Flirty girl prefers her boyfriend over you

QRecently,

a co- worker left

to go back to school and also moved in with her boyfriend, but wanted to stay in touch by email. In one, she said she was planning to marry me one day and that she’d have to get to know me much better. I was surprised, asked to get together, we met for lunch. It felt a little weird (and yes the M word cropped up again). Next, she asked for an online chat and fished out of me that I was interested in her. We met again that weekend, went out, and there were fleeting touches from her. We went back to my place where I offered to let her sleep in my bed and I’d take the couch. But she asked me to stay and during the night she kissed me and I kissed her back, but I didn’t pursue anything further. I didn’t want to do something she’d resent me for.

I emailed her the next day saying that I wasn’t sure where I stood with her. She said she kissed me because it felt right. But she’d made a commitment with her boyfriend and she couldn’t just up and leave. I responded that I still want to be friends. Now the emails are more infrequent and less personal. I’m not sure whether she wants some space or has lost interest. What Happened? AYou’ve

been taken for a ride

and now it’s over. The girl’s a flirt who recognized your attraction to her back at the workplace, and wanted to bask in the attention a little bit longer. The sleepover, however, set off a warning light that she’d likely lose her guy if she carried on . . . and the reality is, she’s more into him than you. Sorry, but plain truth is better than fiction, which is what she’s been handing you with her come-ons. Turn off your computer, she’s likely to try to fire you up again, only to then throw cold water on your feelings. ‰ Guys: Have you had experience with women who became more flirtatious after they’re in relationships? Share with my readers and me how you handled this. Q

For three months, I’ve

shared an office with two women who worked together for two years. Recently, one of them has become cold toward me, not hiding her sudden dislike. I’m extremely saddened that someone I spoke to regularly and had no problems with suddenly wants me to be gone. How do I handle this? Frozen Out AIt’s

too small an office to let

this chill continue. Ask her directly if you’ve done anything to offend her and listen carefully. Even if there’s a misunderstanding, apologize for contributing in any way and say how important it is for you three to work together as a team. If she still gives you the cold shoulder you need to talk to a supervisor and ask for some intervention or a move. QThe

guy I’m seeing broke

up with his girlfriend a month ago; we’d been friends. His girlfriend went away for several months which brought us closer together yet I couldn’t help but think of myself as a home- wrecker even though he assured me they were having problems. I wanted to be with him but since he was still with his girlfriend, I backed off. Now I question everything.

I’ve never been in a real relationship nor have I had a man stick around this long. I have a lot of baggage, lack confidence, and hanging out with him seems to diminish it more.

Should I ask him what’s up? What can I do to open up the lines of communication without feeling so needy? No Good At Games ARelationships

aren’t meant

to be games, nor do they require rocket science, just common sense. Here’s a playback of what you wrote: You’ve been this guy’s “ back- up” for some time. Now you’re together and don’t know why. He’s only weeks out of his last relationship, so you’re right to question. He may be on the rebound; he may be hanging on for comfort. This isn’t because you’re not wonderful, but because it’s too soon for him to be sure and too soon for you to depend on it. Back off and tell him why. The way to open communication is to communicate, and that means stating how you feel about moving too fast too soon. ‰ Tip of the Day: When someone appears to have each foot in a different relationship, best to step back. Ellie appears Monday to Saturday. Email: ellie@thestar.ca. Fax: 416-814- 2797. www.ellie.ca.