Best friend gives gift of life
Troy Forster alive thanks to kidney Can’t find words to thank close buddy
They started out as simply landlord and tenant — one rented the basement apartment in the other’s house. But five years later, homeowner John Nabereznyj and renter Troy Forster can’t even think of a way to describe their unique relationship because John saved Troy’s life by giving him one of his kidneys. As they sit in Forster’s hospital room not even a week after the surgery, they are overwhelmed with emotion describing how much it has come to mean to both of them.
“ We have a special relationship now that transcends pretty well anything people could imagine in terms of my thoughts for him,” says Nabereznyj, 41, who was discharged from Toronto General Hospital the day before.
“ One of our goals is to make this being a special thing to do become less special because more people do it.”
Forster says simply he hasn’t found words yet to describe “ this wonderful gesture.”
“ In my mind, John is the biggest hero in the world — but I want him to become less of a hero, when it becomes more acceptable and more people make a difference in this world.” They talk excitedly about starting a grassroots movement of paying it forward — doing something good for someone else after something good happens to you.
Living donors are almost exclusively close relatives, because they are the ones most willing to sacrifice an organ for a loved one, not to mention most likely to be a blood and tissue match. But with a severe shortage of both living and deceased donors, recipients are looking farther afield to find matches. None of that ever crossed the two men’s minds when they met five years ago after Forster, 40, applied to be the new tenant in
Nabereznyj’s Roncesvalles Village home.
Forster had been diagnosed two years earlier with TgA nephropathy, a progressive disease that leaves deposits of protein in the filters of the kidneys.
At that point, he was just taking bloodpressure medication but his condition began to deteriorate and, 14 months ago, he had to start dialysis treatment.
Asoftware specialist, Forster started a website called Troy’s Kidney to keep his family and friends informed about his condition and his search for a donor match.
While Nabereznyj said he would have a blood test to see if he was a match, Forster thought it was “ a nice gesture but I didn’t think he was serious.” But after weeks of stalling, Nabereznyj did get screened and, after even more tests, found out he was a match.
“ There were doubts,” he admits. “ But I have a tremendously supportive wife and she inspired me.”
His wife Vanessa had her own health crisis 18 months ago when she almost died from bacterial meningitis. Because of that, several of Nabereznyj’s family members didn’t support the kidney donation, arguing he needed to be there for her and his two young children, Roman, 9, and Eva, 8. But Nabereznyj saw it differently.
“ I thought, ‘ If bad things happen to good people like Troy and Vanessa, why can’t good things happen to good people,’ ” he says. “ It always seemed like it was the right thing to do. I feel that now more than ever.”
While Forster admits while he was flattered by the offer, “ in the back of my mind, I always thought, ‘ you’ve got a young family.’ I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d backed out. Every day I thought someone’s going to phone and
say he’d really like to do this but
the kids come first.’ ”
Nabereznyj shakes his head. “ If
your whole life is based on ‘ what
if,’ you’d end up going crazy. It’s
made me appreciate everything I
have, how lucky I am to have
what I have.”
As for Forster, “ it’s changed me alot,” he says. “ It’s made me rethink my role in society and how we treat our fellow people.” As well, there’s the “ tremendous responsibility” to take care of his new kidney, including a lifelong regimen of taking anti- rejection drugs about every four hours, tied to when he has meals.
“ If I was to do anything foolish and screw it up, I’d never be able to face you again,” he says to Nabereznyj. “ It’s a huge responsibility.” Now the two are planning to go on an adventure race — a non- stop mountain biking, canoeing, and ropes course extravaganza — the kind of outdoor endurance test that Forster used to revel in before his illness. But first, Forster has a party to plan to thank the extensive network of family and friends who pitched in to help and lent emotional support. He’s just not sure where to have it.
“ For the number of people I want to invite, my apartment ( no longer in Nabereznyj’s basement) would be too small,” he says with a laugh.