Troubled teens can reach out
Don’t have to deal with problems on their own Agencies are available to help them cope
Their Internet postings are full of sadness and pain. Their parents hate them, yell at them for no reason, call them failures.
Other teens on the Kids Help Phone website talk about bullying, violence, sexual and emotional abuse, suicide attempts. Says one young woman: “ I am dead inside.” The counsellors also hear it from the other side. Parents call in to the agency’s phone line in desperation about teenagers totally out of control, mystified about what to do.
“ We help them unpack the problem and explore it,” says Karen Binch, director of clinical services at Kids Help Phone.
“ We make them feel they can effect change.”
Youth workers stress the urgent need to get at family problems before someone gets hurt, before tragedy occurs.
In a current court case, two teenagers are charged with first- degree murder in the drowning death of their alcoholic mother. The girls have pleaded not guilty.
It has sparked much discussion about the current state of parent- teen relations.
“ We want to get the message to parents and kids,” says Cynthia Kiy, a social worker at Covenant House, Canada’s largest youth shelter. “ There is help out there for you.” The warning signs of a troubled parent and teen relationship are, of course, physical or emotional abuse, but also regular angry outbursts or icy silence, the experts say.
“ A lot of the problems accumulate over time,” explains Laraine Naft, manager of counselling and residential services at Youthlink in Scarborough. “ Sometimes there’s an obvious escalation, but other times the breaking point wasn’t foreseeable. It’s important to pay attention to any disturbing signals.”
Kids are encouraged to turn to an adult they trust — a teacher, a relative. Or they can call Kids Help Phone at 1- 800- 668- 6868 and speak directly to a counsellor 24 hours a day. Or they can post a question on www. kidshelpphone. ca and a counsellor will respond within 72 hours. About 1,000 kids a day are helped through the phone or online service. The vast majority of them are girls — 83 per cent on the Web and 76 per cent on the phone. “ Boys still feel it’s weak to ask for help,” Binch says. “ When they do call, it’s a crisis at that moment.”
Parents can call 1- 888- 603-9100 or visit www. parenthelpline. ca for information. Both help lines try to connect callers with resources in their communities. They maintain a database of 35,000 listings of children’s services across Canada.
For families with youngsters up to the age of 16, a local Children’s Aid Society can help. The child does not have to be in the agency’s custody.
For kids 16 to 22, Covenant House offers shelter as well as school and jobtraining programs and vocational counselling. It runs a 24- hour crisis line for teens and parents. A counsellor will direct callers to services. Call 1800- HELP-308 or 416- 593- 4849.
At the Hospital for Sick Children, child psychiatrist Johanne Roberge urges parents or teens to call 911 in immediate cases of physical violence. Parents can also contact the nearest hospital that offers child and adolescent psychiatric services.
Signs that a teen is increasingly troubled include behaviour changes, such as easily losing their temper, getting involved in fights, increasing substance abuse and a drop in school performance. She suggests a concerned adult simply say, “ I’ve noticed changes in your behaviour. Do you want help sorting things out?”
For families where alcohol is problematic, there are the 12- step support groups Al- Anon and Alateen. Call 416410- 3809 or visit al- anon. alateen. on. ca