Boyfriend in denial over son’s thievery
QMy
boyfriend’s son is a
thief and a liar, with a police record. He’s stolen and damaged my property over several years. I’ve tried to talk to my boyfriend and we ended in fights and his disbelief. He blamed my children and their friends. His son was recently at my house again and something was stolen. I found one item at my boyfriend’s house. I took it back and didn’t tell him. I put a lock on the cabinet which he’d broken into. I don’t think our family has to live like this. What should I do, without losing my boyfriend? Confused AConfront
your boyfriend
and show him any evidence. It’s foolish to NOT tell him facts, when you know he’ll otherwise avoid facing reality. You cannot allow yourself and especially your children to live in fear of theft, damage, lies and possibly worse. Your guy’s denial is also foolish. He needs to pay attention to what’s going on so he can do whatever it takes to try to set this youth on a straight path. Fighting about whether he’s a problem is a waste of time. Do not put fear of losing your boyfriend ahead of self- protection for your family. It won’t work anyway. Better to be on your own and safe, than held hostage to chaos at home. QMy
friend of 17 years is expecting her first child, and although I’m happy for her, I can’t stand listening to her complain. I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to conceive for over seven years. She’s aware of my having gone through treatments. Yet she says, “ Oh you don’t know what it’s like, you’re not pregnant.” What do I do? I’m afraid of losing a friend but don’t know how much more I can take. Every time I talk to her I get off the phone in tears because she reminds me of not being a mother. Trying AThis
friendship could already be winding down if she’s as insensitive as it seems. But if you consider the opposite — that she may feel guilty about your being less fortunate and be awkwardly trying to play down her joy at being pregnant — the picture changes. You need to talk to her openly; that’s what friends do. Tell her you ARE truly happy for her, but hate the complaining as you’d accept all the discomfort if you could. Tell her you suspect she’s trying to make you feel better but it’s not working. Be kind, be careful not to cast any shadow on her being pregnant, but be clear: “Pregnancy is a great thing, I hope to achieve it, I wish you a healthy baby, now let’s talk about something else.” Try it. QHey,
I’m 13, and I’m having
images of super- skinny models pressing in on me from all sides. One day in school where my dad’s on staff, I wasn’t hungry at lunch so was eating an ice cream in the lunchroom when my dad walked in. He called me aside, yelled at me for getting ice cream and told me to get salad instead. Then he took my ice cream and threw it away. I was trying not to cry, but did. I’m not even very big — maybe only five pounds overweight. But when you have “skinny” coming from home as well, that makes it 50 times worse.
I wish I didn’t feel so insecure when I have such good friends and family ( well, maybe not Dad once in a while). But, I need to hear some comfort, or advice on ways not to feel so bad. Five Pound Burden AIt’s
not about weight; it’s
about you. Your friends, family and Dad, too, all want you to feel better and so do I. Many people who are fuller-bodied than skinny models not only feel secure, they know they’re healthy in attitude and also nutrition. Yet you feel crummy. Part of that is the normal selfcriticism of teenagers. But part may also come from poor eating habits, which your father perceives.
If he knows you’re unhappy about your appearance, then sees you eating sweet, fatty foods that leave you hungry for more snacks later, he feels frustrated about helping you and sometimes overreacts ( or maybe had his own bad day). Learning more about nutrition would help you and your family establish a healthy eating plan for you that will help you make better choices and boost your self- esteem. ‰ Tip of the Day: Criminal behaviour cannot be tolerated at home, no matter the relationship. Email: ellie@thestar.ca. Fax: 416814- 2797. Web: www.ellie.ca.