What will we do when the pundits are all gone?

You hear people talking all the time about the world’s limited resources. How we’re running out of oil. That someday nations will wage war for fresh, drinkable water. How we’re dragging fish out of the oceans faster than they can make more little fishies. But there’s one resource no one ever talks about. And yet, at the rate we’re going through the supply, it’s only a matter of time before we run out.

I’m speaking, of course, about pundits. A pundit, in case you’re not familiar with the term, is a socalled expert in his or her field who writes about or comments on issues of the day. Most often, you see the word “political” linked to “pundit.” (You may know pundits by other names, including “ talking heads,” “ gasbags” and “ twits.”)

Political pundits are everywhere. They’re on TV. They’re on radio. They’re in newspapers. They write blogs on the Internet. And because the number of TV channels is growing, and the number of programs on any particular network that uses pundits is on the upswing, and because the Internet allows for pretty much an infinite number of blogs, well, pundits are everywhere.

At any given moment, at any place on the planet, thousands of pundits are doing their thing. Do some channel- surfing. Pundits talking provincial politics on TVO. Pundits talking U.S. politics on CNN. Pundits yelling at each other on Fox. Pundits in the Star, the Globe, the Post, the Sun, and that’s just in Toronto. Instant pundits, phoning in to radio talk shows. And now that we’re on the verge of a federal election, there’ll be even more of them. Networks and newspapers are always looking for new pundits. Pundits get fired, they retire, they die. Sometimes, they simply run out of opinions. So replacements are always needed. Sometimes, in the rush to find new pundits, media outlets will pick people who have not been properly trained in punditry.

This means that, occasionally, and I must stress that this does not happen very often, we get pundits who don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. It’s hard to believe, but there have been instances of politicaltype pundits, going on national television or writing for national newspapers, who seem to lack even the most basic understanding of the issues they’ve been asked to pontificate about. ( Although, I must say, I’ve always felt that one of the great things about being a columnist is that ignorance of a subject is never a reason not to write about it.) The World Pundit Fund recently found that there may only be enough pundits to last another 15 to 20 years, certainly if new reserves of them are not discovered. “We use pundits,” the organization said, “ like we think we will never run out, but a day of reckoning awaits.”

Already, North American media outlets, anticipating a future crisis, are looking far beyond their own borders for pundits. There is some hope that drilling in the Arctic will uncover some who were frozen, in mid- rant, thousands of years ago. Unconvinced that enough is being done to protect this valuable resource, I have established a foundation of my own to monitor and protect pundits, and to ensure that should their number begin to dwindle, the appropriate authorities will be notified and urged to do something about it. My foundation, by the way, is called Conserve and Rejuvenate the Assembly of Pundits, or CRAP for short. Do you have what it takes to be a pundit? Complete the following sentence:

“ I think it’s about time that . . .”

a) I had a shower.

b) I scratched that itch that’s been bothering me since breakfast.

c) Somebody did something!

If you picked ( c) you probably have what it takes to be in the punditry game. Let’s hope so. We need you. Linwood Barclay’s column appears on Monday, Friday and Saturday. Email: lbarclay@thestar.ca.

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