Give up the grocery store to your ex

Q

My ex- girlfriend and I

broke up two months ago because she couldn’t commit to a serious relationship with me. I’ve since seen her on many occasions, by coincidence, but she thinks I’m harassing her. I can no longer go to my grocery store since she works there.

Yet I’ve been shopping there since before I knew her. Should I change my whole lifestyle just to avoid her? Banned in Moncton ADon’t

change your lifestyle,

just your grocery store and your attitude. Of course, you’re going to bump into her where she works. You know it and she knows it, yet you keep going there and acting innocent about the “coincidence.” There are plenty of other grocery stores in your city.

If she convinces the police that you’re harassing her, you’ll have far more bother than switching your shopping route. That’s not the real issue that’s troubling you; it’s about letting go. The relationship is over. Move on. QMy

ex-boyfriend of two

years and I broke up over two years ago. Then, after months of his “ fall- back option” treatment, I wrote him politely to leave me alone and never contact me again, as I deserved better. I then went about rebuilding my life and my sense of self. Recently, I received a birthday card from him. He wrote a nice message, then said I could contact him anytime and that, regardless, I’d be missed and he still thought I was a great person. I emailed him thanking him for the card. Now we’re in somewhat regular contact. One of my friends (who’s usually right) says he wants to get back together. Obviously, I won’t know until I ask, yet I hesitate to do it. I just don’t want emotions I’ve put to rest to get stirred up again. I’ve known him a long time; every time we ran into each other ( even before we dated) he managed to stir those emotions. Certainly Uncertain ALook

in the mirror, and read

your own lips as you repeat: I deserve better. Whatever the negative way in which he’s treated you, that’s what you felt about him the last go- around. Now ask yourself — remember, this is now your “ rebuilt,” and self- confident mirror image — what’s changed? Has he learned what it was he did that hurt you or made you feel less than you can be? As far as I can tell, the answer is: nothing has changed, other than that you’ve let him reel you in again. You’ve been hooked on him since you were a teenager. So ask yourself one more question: Are you older and wiser, or is this guy worth one more shot? Think it through for yourself, before you ask any leading questions of him. QI’m

24 and have been married twice. Now that I’ve been with my current boyfriend for nine months, we talk a lot about getting married and starting a family. The difference between this relationship and my past ones is that I honestly feel in my heart that things will work out long term.

I don’t feel that I’m rushing into thinking about marriage again, but plenty others do. My friends and family constantly ask me if I’m going to marry my current boyfriend, and I reply ‘‘ Yes’’ before they finish asking their questions. I love my boyfriend very much and I do see a very prosperous future with him. What do you think about all of this? Lost in Love A

Every now and then, it

seems I’m expected to look into a crystal ball and tell the future . . . but, sorry, that’s not my gig. I look at the present and the patterns of the past, and then help you see what’s there before your own eyes, and what you can do to make any needed changes. I’d suggest you want to proceed with caution — not because of what others think, but for your own emotional wellbeing. It’s time to NOT get “ lost” in love, but rather to be far more thoughtful about what you want from marriage beyond the wedding plans and the dreams of being “ prosperous.” You two would likely benefit from taking a pre- marital course together — available from pastoral counsellors or agencies that offer courses — where you can talk out the normal, day- to- day aspects of being married, such as managing a home and finances, plus compromising on differences.

Tip of the Day: So long as you’re consumed with what your ex is doing, you’re hanging onto false hopes. Email: ellie@thestar.ca. Fax: 416814- 2797. Web: www.ellie.ca.