Prof needs to show up
QI’ma graduate student and I have a professor who is routinely 10 minutes late to lecture and then runs 10 minutes overtime. I like this professor and his teaching method, so how can I tell him that his lack of respect for our time offends me, without offending him? Irked Student
go there on your own. He
might tell you how offensive it is to him that you’re so self- absorbed that you have no sense of how many classes he’s rushing about to, how much traffic he has to go through. . . . Or how hard it is to get his kids to daycare on time and still get to class. . . . Or whatever it is about his life that you haven’t considered or asked about before you get all huffy about being respected. The fact that you like your prof and his teaching methods already says so much good about him, that perhaps learning to accept his tardiness is an education in tolerance.
However, if many students are having a problem with getting to their next class on time, then it’s reasonable for a delegation to ask if it’s possible for him to get there sooner or end on time.
ADon’tQMyboyfriend is always paranoid that he’s had a stroke or is having a heart attack. He gets pains in his chest all the time but has been to the doctor and had tests done to assure him nothing’s wrong. He fears death and is always stressing out that he’s going to die. It’s getting worse. Now every time we’re together or talk, it’s always about this and I always reassure him but I think he needs more help. He also suffers from anxiety attacks. I don’t know what else to do to help ease his mind. Worried, Too
the problem to him. Tell
him he must see a professional therapist to discuss why he’s having anxiety attacks and this overriding death fear, as there’s nothing you can do to help him, since just listening and reassuring is of no use. Also, it’s completely overwhelmed your relationship. If he’s still in school, his college or university will have counselling services he can use. Otherwise, there are community agencies that offer counselling at affordable fees. He should also return to his doctor and discuss his anxiety attacks as he may need medication for these. It’s not uncommon for some people to feel this fear of dying, and it’s often associated with something from their own past or their family background. Nevertheless, it can be a major block to getting on with his life, so it’s crucial that he gets professional help.
AReturnQWhatdoes a girl have to do to get a date? I’m 31, single, and haven’t had a date in a year — not for a lack of trying. I have an active social life. I participate in sports and other activities to meet new people. When I meet a guy who I find attractive and think, hey, maybe I could get to know this person and go for coffee, I get a rejection or ignored. I try to take the experience in a positive light but it’s difficult. Plus, the rejection does a number on your selfesteem. On another note, in the holiday season, it’s even harder to keep my chin up and not be too lonely. Sucks to be me!
Your loneliness isn’t “another
note,” it’s your woe- is- me theme song. Anyone with an active social life should be able to find friends and likeminded people to just have fun. Yet there’s an attitude problem of feeling the cup is always half empty. Please understand that your finding a guy attractive isn’t a beginning, nor is it a rejection. You need to show you’re open to a connection by being friendly and upbeat — like suggesting the guy and his pals join your group, and asking him about himself, showing interest. I’m betting you wait for guys to show interest in you, and feel ignored if they don’t.
This holiday season is a great time to change your approach: Invite a gang to brunch, your place or a funky diner; have a pot luck get- together; organize a holiday skating party or bowling or a salsa night to warm up the mood. Then go for the fun, without focusing only on a “ win.” Remember, even making more women friends means a greater network to meet guys.
ATip of the Day: Respect for people’s time and needs works two ways. Hear Ellie’s columns online at thestar . com. Email: ellie@thestar.ca. Fax: 416-814- 2797. Web: www.ellie.ca.