Time to break up, grow up
Q: My boyfriend of three years and I are both 19 and great friends. For several months, I’ve wanted to meet new people — hard to do with him hovering over my shoulder.
Our nights out aren’t thrilling anymore. We spend a lot of time with his friends, which is boring. I don’t have many friends because of our relationship. I want to have nights out with my few friends without him texting or calling me constantly. He says he trusts me.
I’ve tried to break up, but he starts crying and says he’ll change and that he can’t lose me. I always cave.
Recently, I did it over the phone and we said goodbye, but minutes later (he lives down the street) he arrived at my house! Do I continue to push him to change? Or do I break it off, as there’s no hope?
Fed Up
A: You both need a break. What started at 16 has gone stale due to his dependency and your restlessness. You may reconnect later on, but you both need life experiences.
Do not start dating too quickly. Firm up your girlfriend connections — relationships you’ll benefit from for the rest of your life. Think through what you want in your next relationship and the standards you’ll set for yourself. Remember, too, that your boyfriend may start dating and lean on someone soon if that’s his nature.
Q: I don’t know why everyone who knows me is against me. I’ve recently decided to take up singing. I’ve loved to sing since I was a kid; I’ve never been that great but I’ve been practising every day.
I’d love to take lessons but between working and college, I can’t find the time or money. I’ve tried to book some gigs singing at the restaurant where I waitress.
I’ve told friends about my dream, even given them mini-concerts, and have auditioned in front of my boss and co-workers. Singing lessons were their idea, not mine.
All my friends and co-workers think I need practice before I sing in public. What kind of person says that? It makes me feel like crap.
But singing in restaurants and in front of my friends is only a small step on my road to becoming a singer. I want to try out for Canadi
an Idol or some competition. I’ve been told repeatedly how hard it is to become the next big thing — but they don’t know how determined I am. I want to do this for the rest of my life, but lately my dream is feeling impossible. I’m not a bad singer. Should I give up on this dream or keep on?
Roadblocked
A: Dreams are a wonderful inspiration and an important part of life. To become achievable goals, they require motivation and work. If you listen closely to stories of those Idol finalists, you’ll find they’ve had years of lessons, learned instruments, practised along with accomplished singers’ CDS and made tapes to hear themselves as others do and then worked to improve.
Just daydreaming about success, fame and fortune doesn’t cut it.
Your friends and co-workers are being kind when they suggest lessons. You need feedback from the objective ear of a professional. Then you need to do the work that’ll help you toward your dream.