Bringing up baby — the diaperless way
Book by TV star Mayim Bialik, PHD, offers a rash of controversial advice
She’s a child actor with a PHD in neuroscience whose new book will make her the poster mom of a parenting style that is, at best, divisive.
Diaperless potty training, co-sleeping and child-led weaning are among the unconventional parenting practices that Mayim Bialik, teen star of 1990s sitcom Blossom and a regular on hit show Big Bang Theory, advocates in Beyond the Sling: A Real-life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way.
Bialik, 36, and husband Michael Stone are vocal supporters of the child-led parenting style — sometimes called a fringe approach. It’s the way they raise sons Miles, 6, and Frederick, 3, but Canadian public health agencies advise against some of the methods recommended by Bialik in the book, released today.
The actress, who learned of attachment parenting from friends in the late 1990s, knows some of her techniques will strike readers as odd. At first, even she thought they were crazy, Bialik told the Star. “It sounded cuckoo town.”
But the actress changed her mind while working on her PHD at the University of California in Los Angeles.
“I was in graduate school studying the hormones of human attachment as part of my thesis, and started seeing the results of these kinds of parenting choices that these friends of ours were making,” Bialik said. “The relationship between adult and children wasn’t based on them being told that they were bad.”
So what exactly does she recommend?
Co-sleeping and babywearing (that’s carrying a child in a sling) to develop a closer bond.
Breastfeeding on the child’s schedule.
And gentle discipline: no spanking, yelling or time outs.
Erica Ehm, mother of two and publisher of Yummymummyclub.ca, curates dozens of blogs on the site that covers a variety of parenting styles.
“Attachment parenting is more of a fringe way of parenting your children,” said Ehm. “But is it wrong? Absolutely not. It just is right for certain people.”
And while babywearing may be a lifestyle choice, when it comes to issues of baby safety, public health agencies aren’t as diplomatic.
The Public Health Agency of Canada outright warns against cosleeping, the practice that sees one family sharing a bed, in its statement on preventing sudden infant deaths.
“Factors associated with unsafe sleeping environments include infants sharing a sleeping surface with an adult,” says the statement, which adds the safest place for an infant to sleep is in a crib, cradle or bassinet.
“When infants sleep on surfaces that are not designed for them, such as adult beds . . . they are more likely to become trapped and suffocate.” Toronto Public Health takes the same stance on co-sleeping. So does the Canadian Institute of Child Health. “We don’t recommend it,” said Janice Sonnen, executive director. “I think the reality is a lot of parents do, but . . . it’s very important not to do it.” But Bialik disagrees. She sleeps on a low surface with no excess pillows or blankets to keep her children safe. And there’s no drinking alco- hol or taking heavy medication before bed, she adds. “This notion that it’s easy to roll over on your baby, to kill your baby in your sleep — it’s simply not true,” she said. Child-led weaning — that is, taking cues from baby on when to reduce or stop breastfeeding — is less controversial. “We know that kids become independent by indulging their dependency needs,” said Judy Arnall, president of Attachment Parenting Canada. “If kids want extra cuddling, breastfeeding and hugging to feel secure, we say do it. They don’t have to be pushed to independence. They’ll get there on their own timetable.”
Bialik knows some parents will disagree with her, but says attachment parenting works.
“We have felt very true to ourselves and to our desires as people,” she said.
“Our life is very smooth and easy. I don’t mean it’s not hard,” she said. “It just seems like a really good fit for our boys’ temperaments. They’re well-adjusted, they’re content.”