Questions of faith need some answering

Q: My spouse’s family wants him to baptize our baby. Neither of us are religious. He used to attend church. Now he’s not practising any religion because he doesn’t believe in what the Bible says. They keep assuming that I “changed his views.” They called us stupid and said we had no beliefs. They take their son aside to convince him. They make him feel guilty, saying they’re disappointed in him. They blame me.

We both feel it’s best that our daughter decide for herself when she’s older. I’d be open to baptism if he were religious and wanted this — but not just to satisfy others.

Distressed

A: His parents are out of line to harass and cast blame. However, to raise a child with the knowledge to make a choice about religion, you as parents must learn to discuss what you do and do not believe in.

Look for a modern priest or minister to talk to. Ask for his view on baptism without faith. He may reject this possibility — which you can tell your in-laws — or have a different approach. Your husband should also discuss why he doesn’t believe in the Bible.

If you’re uncomfortable with a religious leader, use reading and debate with people you respect. This will give you both greater confidence in your position. If nothing changes, limit the in-laws’ visits.

Q: I met this guy three years ago. We’re both in our 50s. We liked each other immediately, but he lived with a woman and I was dating someone. He started texting me, making it clear he had feelings.

I’d become unattached, but he said his was “a roommate” situation, no romance involved. He lives with her out of convenience. Over the years, our relationship deepened, but he still lives with her.

Last September, he said he’d move out because he wanted to be with me! Then she got breast cancer and he couldn’t leave. Meanwhile, he’s been battling his own illness.

I love this man, however, he keeps stalling on a commitment.

Do I move on, even though he’s ill? There always seems to be an excuse. We don’t have sex, his illness prevents this, so that’s not the reason he’s hanging on to me. He calls and texts, but never from home. He only comes over when “the coast is clear.” What’s wrong with me?

Mature Fool

A: This picture isn’t going to change. His actions are clear: he’s attached to her while getting other emotional benefits from you. Say goodbye now. You’re still young enough to meet someone and build a real relationship.