Don’t let boss take advantage

Q: My boss is a female friend who trusts me with private matters at work. Yet I’m shy when it comes to asking her for the things I need — more pay, paid vacation, upgrade from part-timer to full-time with benefits. I’ve mentioned these once, but nothing happened.

She also doesn’t pay me for days off like a full-timer gets. So I work even when I’m sick.

She did say she couldn’t offer me anything full-time but that she’d “arrange” vacation pay. She didn’t.

I don’t want to lose this job, but it’s frustrating that she takes me for granted.

I’ve tried to find another job and there’s nothing out there for me. How can I raise things again without getting upset and feeling unappreciated?

She frequently takes vacations, sick days, misses work and cannot see that I’m always there taking care of things while she’s gone. She knows my financial needs, yet doesn’t help me with options.

I don’t want her to see me as a friend any more. She hates dealing with complainers. I wish we both knew how to separate friendship from work.

Desperate

A:

Only you can take care of you, and reset the atmosphere. Your boss is no fool, has a good thing in you and knows she’s taking advantage of you but convinces herself it’s OK because you need this job. That’s about being your employer, not about being your friend.

Keep looking elsewhere even while trying to resolve these issues. Take any workshops possible to upgrade your skills and potential.

It’s your feeling that you have no choice that keeps both of you from direct, professional conversations.

Meanwhile, write a list of what work you do, your record of no sick days, days off, no vacations and no benefits. Mention that you appreciate the good rapport you have. Tell her you believe you also provide help to her in her position.

When you give her your report, present her with your professional request for what you need. Don’t threaten to leave if you don’t get it, but do look harder for another job.

People are rarely fired for being normally ambitious, so long as they’re not troublemakers.

Q:

I’m not OK with a friend who refuses to use social media but then expects me to keep her updated on what everyone’s saying or doing!

I don’t mean to be harsh, but if she’d briefly scan Facebook she’d have known about the last pool party. It’s not my fault that she didn’t know.

It’s her choice not to be connected, even though she knows that 95 per cent of our group pretty much relies on FB to plan and communicate.

She’s missed several social occasions. If I learn about something really important (births, deaths, etc.), I share with her, but otherwise I don’t think it’s up to me. What do you think?

Not Your Secretary

A:

If she’s calling you out on not informing her, then, sure, you have reason to respond that it’s not something you have time for or feel responsible for.

But I’m detecting a lack of acceptance for different views and approaches to social media. After all, some friends really can’t be on Facebook much due to the time constraints of work and family. Others like the old-fashioned connection of a phone call.

Your position seems to be: “If you want to be in our group, you have to do exactly as we do.”