BACHELOR BEGINS
As Bachelor Canada kicks off, our panel weighs in on the good, the bad, and the catty,
It’s on, eh? Canada’s first instalment of the Bachelor franchise aired Wednesday night and will continue on Citytv for the next eight Wednesdays. Our Bachelor panel, fan Debra Yeo, critic Vinay Menon and Wilder Weir, a friend of Bachelor Brad Smith’s, weigh in on the premiere.
First impressions of the Bachelor The Fan: Brad comes across as sweet, funny, polite (hey, when was the last time you saw a Bachelor profusely thank the limo driver?) and totally down with the “I’m ready to find love” program. A little vanilla? Sure, but viewers should have no problem rooting for him. The Critic: Brad came across as sincere, sensitive and placid. In the real world, these are noble traits. But on The Bachelor, this can only lead to heartache. Take the closing rose ceremony, in which Brad was supposed to send home 10 bachelorettes. Instead, he decides to keep 16. If Brad can’t go from 25 to 15 when he hardly knows their names, how will he go from two to one when he has knee-rattling feelings for both? The Friend: When Brad arose from the pool like an Adonis, I’m sure there was a collective gasp from women across the country. Being one of Brad’s close friends, I couldn’t help but laugh. Yes, it’s weird watching one of your buddies on TV but, after settling into the premiere, I really enjoyed it. I thought Brad was charming, easygoing, sociable and diplomatic.
First impressions of the bachelorettes The Fan: Well, guess what? Canadians aren’t all nice and some of these girls were downright quirky. Exhibit A: Bubba, with her over-the-top personality and polka-dot dress. And uh, Mindy? Nice hiking boots. The Critic: Individually, these women are probably lovely. Probably. But holed up together in a swish mansion with an open bar? Catty monsters. It’s not just the fake eyelashes or the fake breasts that are most troubling; it’s the fake intentions. Brad may see a show like this as a chance for love, but most women who go on a show like this do it for the love of fame. The Friend: This group is a real salad bowl of backgrounds and beliefs that is befitting an all-Canadian cast. What I like is that none of them seem like they are just on the show trying to be reality TVs next “big thing” or promote their cupcake shop.
How does the Canadian version compare to the U.S.? The Fan: If you stumbled on this show without knowing there was such a thing as The Bachelor Canada, you would think you were watching the U.S. version. You might have furrowed your brow momentarily when you heard Brad talking about the Habs, but scenes of women hungrily eyeing Brad would have put you back in your comfort zone. Also, the fake boob ratio compares favourably with its U.S. counterpart. The Critic: From the quick-cut editing, the time-lapsed establishing shots, the manufactured story arcs and the ridiculous teases to the hyperbolic voice-overs — “the most shocking entrance in Bachelor history!” — watching the premiere was like going to a McDonald’s in a foreign country: a carbon copy. The Friend: I’m sure executive producer Claire Freeland’s philosophy was “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and why would she, given the success of the U.S. Bachelor franchise? The all-Canadian cast is what makes the difference here, adding a special charm and genuine hope to find love.
What was the most surprising moment? The Fan: Tie between ex- Bachelorette Jillian Harris showing up (and that was necessary because?) and Brad grabbing an extra rose to give to Ana. The Critic: I was surprised by how Brad let the bachelorettes dictate whom he could talk to, when and for how long. He was like a toothless bystander amid a backdrop of bared fangs. The Friend: When former Bachelorette (and fellow Canadian) Jillian Harris stepped out of the limo I could see genuine surprise on Brad’s face. I think her female perspective really helped him make his selections. Brad has always relied on the women in his life for advice, whether it’s from his mother, sister or friends.
Who is the most charming bachelorette? The Fan: Chantelle. I was prepared not to like her because of the constant giggling and the whole “I’m a pastor” thing, but she really is cute as a button. The Critic: I’m going with Bianka, the Mississauga nurse who used to date Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband. When Bianka deadpanned that she specialized in “mouth-to-mouth resuscitation” — and Brad believed her — she hurled herself above the silly fray. The Friend: Even though Whitney got the first impression rose, my personal favourite is Kara. When she got out of the limo and hurled an underhand softball at Brad’s head, she won a little piece of my heart. Most frightening bachelorette? The Fan: Gabrielle hands down. The Oakville law stu- dent’s inflated sense of self-importance and sucky attitude after not getting the first impression rose make her the one to hate this season. The Critic: I know producers want us to believe Whitney is the early favourite. But she seems incredibly calculating. Never trust a person who refers to herself in the third person: “Whitney never loses.” The Friend: It’s a dead heat between Mindy and Rebecca, referred to as “Bubba.” Both are frightening, but I think Mindy takes the cake. Beware any woman who wields a high-powered hunting rifle and refers to you as “meat.”
The biggest distraction? The Fan: Gabrielle’s big mouth. The Critic: Brad is 6-foot-1, but in every scene with host Tyler Harcott he looked like a kid in Grade 4. This isn’t Tyler’s fault. He can’t help it if he’s tall enough to carry Brad around in his breast pocket. But his height diverted attention from the Bachelor. The Friend: There was a lot of boob talk. While Brad was with some of the girls outside it seemed like the big topic inside was which girls had implants.
The most uncomfortable scene? The Fan: Bubba ranting about how she doesn’t chase (insert word here that means both male genitalia and a rooster). The Critic: There were quite a few wince-inducing scenes last night. But my votes goes to the part in which the Playboy model was teaching the female pastor how to identify fake breasts at long range. The Friend: I literally cringed as the recently eliminated Fawn stumbled in her high-heeled shoes down the rocky path while Brad and the remaining girls raised their champagne glasses. Why does the scene where Bambi’s mother is shot suddenly come to mind?
Will Brad find love? The Fan: Because I am an optimist and a romantic at heart, I say yes. Will it last? Who knows? The Critic: I think Brad will find infatuation, friendship and quite a bit of confusion.
But he will not find love — at least, not the kind that lasts. The Friend: Yes, although Brad has had trouble with this in the past, I think The Bachelor Canada is the perfect vehicle for him to find love.