POP GOES THE WEEK
Angus T. Jones, who makes $350,000 an episode on Two and a Half Men, says the show is “filth” “contributing to the enemy’s plan” and asks fellow Christians to stop watching Possible new names for the show once he has been written out: 1) Two and a Halfling: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Change of Cast. 2) Two and a Half Bottles of Tiger Blood Don’t Seem So Bad After All, Does It? 3) Two and a Half Cute, Young, Never-before-mentioned Nephew.
PETA gives Miley Cyrus a pig for her birthday Great. The only thing they ever got me was the slight twinge of guilt I feel every time I eat fois gras sliders.
This week in dirt for profit 1) Jack Nicholson is selling the land that his burned-down house stood on. 2) Unhinged person Glenn Beck is asking $25,000 for a piece of art consisting of a mason jar full of his own urine and a floating figurine of Barack Obama. 3) An Ebay vendor is selling small bottles of earth from Stratford to Justin Bieber fans for $39.99.
Anna Nicole Smith’s 6-year-old daughter Danielynn Birkhead is now modelling for Guess Let me be the first to congratulate everyone involved in this enterprise who displayed remarkable restraint and good taste in waiting this long.
The woman Lindsay Lohan allegedly punched in the face claims she’s a psychic and that Lindsay called her “a bleeping Gypsy” And yet, on the Official Lindsay Scale of Surreal Public Idiocy, this only rates a 4.9.
Syfy may remake Waterworld
This time with giant sharktopus!
AMC is launching a "taxidermy competition show" Says Glenn Beck, "I have some great ideas involving dead rats, baby-teeth, random hair and left-wing Jesus-destroyers."
Celebrity math Question: If Justin Bieber grabbed his crotch 20 times during the Grey Cup performance and Charlie Sheen wrote a check for $100,000 to help pay off Lindsay Lohan’s taxes while Olivier Martinez’ Miami restaurant got cited for 13 health violations, how many fans did Lady Gaga find in her garage when she got up in the middle of the night for a snack? Answer: That would be 35. Which, coincidentally, is nine more than the number of birthdays experienced by Demi Moore’s brand-new love biscuit.
Brad Pitt says he tells his kids
l that Santa probably isn’t real He also sent the Easter Bunny to AMC’s taxidermy show.
A Florida man dies choking on
l a cockroach after winning a cockroach eating contest “That’s not not funny,” says a whole bunch of cockroaches.
A study shows that female
l porn stars have much higher self esteem than other women The bad news is they have it while being slapped by a guy named Bjorn Dongle.
Randy Travis has reportedly
l “eliminated alcohol from his daily life” He’ll keep drinking at night, though, as it makes getting arrested after crashing your car stark-raving naked much easier to deal with.