Beware of guy who displays garments of past lovers
Find new friends who are decent and supportive, or at least mind their own business
Q: When we first became intimate, my boyfriend had items of clothing from former lovers on his bed and in his bedroom in plain view. He also has items from his last wife in his bedroom drawers.
And he lied to me about being STD-free (I later found out he has herpes).
He has redeeming qualities but am I a fool to hang on when he’s already established he’s a liar?
Clothing Mementoes
A: Whatever their colour, those deliberately visible garments are red flags.
Besides being a liar, he’s a guy who shows off his exploits with women.
I’m betting he’s also a player. Get tested for STDs and do not have unprotected sex with him or anyone else.
He’s a short-term boyfriend who may leave you with long-term effects, more troublesome than the women’s clothes he displays. Q: I’m in a very good relationship after a long and bad marriage. Recently, my son produced a performance at school. Our family attended and during the performance my boyfriend fell asleep for half of it.
I ignored this, as I was there to see my son’s production and proudly support him.
I’d been looking forward to that moment for so long.
My boyfriend had critical things to say about the performance, which I didn’t care to hear. Is it a form of control when someone craps on your special moments? My ex-husband used to do this too.
Annoyed and Wary
A: It’s wise of you to smell a pattern here in your own selection of partners — that is, insecure men who put things down that matter to you. At the very least, he was rude, thoughtless and insensitive to you and your son. That’s a warning sign even if it’s not about control. This relationship’s not as good as you say. Get him to discuss what’s really bothering him — or move on. Q: My brother in-law did a job for a close friend a year ago. The company paid the friend the few thousand dollars owing but he hasn’t paid my brother-in law yet. He tried contacting his friend numerous times about getting the money, but was ignored. My sister vented to some very close girlfriends and the jerk heard about it. He went to my sister’s house and screamed at her, calling her names. He wrote them a cheque; it bounced, as did the second one. We were all a big group of friends and now it’s broken. These girls who went behind my sister’s back are supposed to be my best friends. They’re now hanging out with the couple who ripped off my sister. The jerk says he has no money to pay but he goes on trips, out for fancy dinners, etc. My sister and her husband were upset that I attended his child’s birthday party. The girls told this guy that my sister said I wasn’t allowed to hang around with them.
It wasn’t true. I made that decision on my own.
In the Middle
A: Get out of the middle by not joining the gossip chorus. It’s an ugly story between the two couples.
Those supposed girlfriends of yours love the drama.
Avoid them. They’re not being true friends of yours or your sister, who, with her husband, is an innocent couple who got ripped off by cheats.
If that’s who your friends support, they’re crummy friends. Find new ones who are decent and supportive, or at least mind their own business.
TIP OF THE DAY
A person who lies about STDs is a liar and a creep, just for starters.
Email ellie@thestar.ca. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/ elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.