Ask shutterbug beau why you’re not in picture

Q: The man I’ve been dating for three years divorced a couple of years before we met. He shares custody of his three children. I’ve been very generous; I pay for half our dates. I’ve also been kind and supportive when he was unemployed and when his father was sick. His home is filled with pictures of his children, his parents and his friends. He carries a camera whenever he attends one of his children’s sports events, school shows, etc. He has hundreds of family photos. He’s never taken a photo of me or asked me for one, though I’m considered quite attractive. Recently, I picked up his camera and found many photos of one of his child’s teachers, taken during a special school event over three weeks. She’s 20 years younger than me and attractive. He’s often cold and uncommunicative during the week. Should I interpret any of this as a lack of attachment to me, or a clue to his inability to commit to me in the future? I feel he’s definitely keeping his options open, and my self-esteem is far from thriving in this relationship.

Unseen Photo

A: Here’s what’s wrong with this picture: After three years, you should be asking him these questions and insisting on answers. While it’s natural for a camera-loving dad to have lots of photos of the kids, not taking one of you in three years is odd, and suggests distance. Taking pictures of the teacher doesn’t imply anything more is going on, but his lack of attachment to you is all the more apparent. Speak up. Ask what he feels about your relationship and where he thinks it’s going. It’s time to be generous to yourself, and protect your self-esteem.

Q: About five years ago, when I was first dating my fiancé, his friend’s girlfriend got it in her head that I wanted to steal her guy from her. This was untrue.

I admit I’m often better friends with guys than with girls. She wound up and nailed me in the face a few months later at a party. I didn’t have to defend myself as everyone else kicked her out of the party.

Needless to say, I don’t like her and feel no need to have to put up with her.

However, she still hangs out with everyone around me. I politely try to avoid talking to her or causing drama.

Recently, we all went to a pub and she ended up sitting across the table from me. She knows I’m getting married, and she was the only person of our group present who’s not invited to the wedding.

Drama queen that she is, she asked me a million questions about the wedding, about my dress, my bridesmaids, etc.

I haven’t forgiven her for wrongfully hitting me in the face and not apologizing for it or her lack of general politeness toward me — interrupting me, brushing off my comments or opinions as silly, and so forth.

Do I let it go. Or should I approach her about resolving this long-standing problem?

Sucker Punched

A: Do nothing. You owe her nothing, and you already know from her continued behaviour that the closer she gets the more trouble she’s likely to cause.

She’s jealous of you. Getting together socially, especially with your partners, could spark that same baseless anger she showed before.

Even if your fiancé feels obliged to invite his friend, and must include her, no invitation should come from you.

Keep avoiding her, be polite when that’s impossible and share no personal information.