POP GOES THE WEEK
á While visiting China this week, Justin Bieber got carried up the Great Wall by his bodyguards Before you get super-upset and start calling him an entitled brat, let’s all remember that at least it’s not as bad as the time when he made his entourage put him on a box so that he’d appear tall enough to ride the rollercoaster.
á IKEA stores in the UK will soon start selling residential solar panels Finally there’s a way to take that relationship-destroying assembly argument outdoors.
á Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan are banned from the set of daughter Lindsay Lohan’s reality show That’s a fantastic idea and it proves that Oprah’s OWN really is in the business of caring. Except about ratings.
á A poster for the Diana film is placed at the exact spot in Paris
where the princess died That’s terribly tasteless but also the best advertising trick since IKEA’s controversial "If he falls off the roof, it’s not your fault" spot.
á A sad week for science A)
Breaking Bad is over forever. B) Due to the U.S. government shutdown, most of NASA’s activities are brought to a halt. C) Bill Nye is voted off Dancing with the Stars. D) Cher insists that ex-husband Sonny’s ghost visits her and occasionally pulls a prank on her.
á A new cellphone game will feature Vladimir Putin fighting an army of zombies No, it’s not
called The Walking Red.
á Katy Perry says that boyfriend John Mayer is “literally a genius” If that’s true you’d imagine he’d be able to teach her the correct use of "literally."
á An unknown man spits in the face of Zac Hanson of Hanson
An MMMGob, then. [ and I thought the Walking Red bit was an unprecedented low point. -ed.]
á Poor Kim Kardashian was reportedly very “sad to say goodbye" to her 3-month-old baby before leaving to take in the Paris fashion shows It really is too bad there were no alternatives to her abandoning her child, such as A) Staying home. B) Remaining at home. C) Not going to Paris to look at clothes. D) Staying and/or remaining at home instead of going to Paris.
á Apple has now passed CocaCola as the most valuable brand And yet, in a game of Rock-Apple-Big Vat of Coca-Cola, CocaCola kills your iPhone every time.
á Korek’sjons & clericfikatiomz 1) When we reported that Ed Sheeran said Taylor Swift’s "ungrateful" cat doesn’t like anyone, we meant to find out who Ed Sheeran is, but then didn’t. 2) There is no such thing as Justin Timberlakefront property. 3) Captain Phillips is not an animated movie "about old-timey argggy pirates." 4) When we wrote that Katy Perry’s song "Walking on Air" couldn’t possibly include the lyrics, "You’re reading me like erotica/Boy you make me feel exotica," we were wrong. It does. 5) The two miniseries cancelled this week by CNN and NBC were not going to be about Hilary Duff. 6) Miley Cyrus’s Bangerz does not come with a side of mashz. 7) Justin Bieber and King Joffrey are not the same person. 8) Gum is apparently not a breakfast food.
marpe@thestar.ca