HOW SHE DOES IT
Legally blind woman who never thought she’d be a mom is now a successful artist with two children,
There’s no shame in letting someone clean the dirt off your child’s face. A lifetime of vision problems means Hamilton mother Yvonne Felix doesn’t sweat the small stuff. “Let (kids) know you are human and humans make mistakes,” she says. “It’s a relationship-building component and I think it makes you a stronger person. “We can only do the job we can do,” she adds. “A dirty face and a snotty nose is not going to ruin that kid’s day. And if someone walks up and wipes your kid’s nose, don’t get offended. Every little bit helps.” Felix, 32, has a genetic condition called Stargardt disease (also known as juvenile macular degeneration), that began to affect her vision at age 4. The rare retinal eye disease destroyed her central vision and left her legally blind by the age of 15. She can see shapes, light and some detail peripherally. Felix was so determined not to pass on her condition, that, at 21, she decided to get sterilized. But a fellow Mohawk College student who accompanied her to the appointment talked her out of it. The experience deepened their friendship, which blossomed into love and marriage. Now the couple have two children, Noah, 7, and Thomas, 18 months, neither of whom inherited the disease. Parenting with low vision can be challenging, but connecting with the Foundation Fighting Blindness made a huge difference early on, says Felix, an artist who has a permanent an installation outside Hamilton’s police headquarters. The young mother, who also raises funds for the foundation, says conferences on parenting and committee-work also helped her make connections.
Still, she recalls that her first experience changing diapers was scary. “Everything was so small,” she says. An aunt and a nurse talked her through it. Her husband, Joe, took paternity leave for the first three months to help work out kinks. But Felix still felt pressure to be perfect, and too inferior to join moms’ groups. She blamed problems on her blindness initially. “As I grew older I realized that’s not the case,” she says. She learned as her children grew. Challenges with toddlers, for example, are best handled with structure, Felix says. But plans don’t always work, so it’s also important to let go of what you can’t control. “Getting upset doesn’t help anything,” she says. “As you go through your day, just keep reminding yourself they’re not doing it to upset you.” Life changed dramatically six months ago she got eSight glasses, which give her back some vision. “For Christmas last year I . . .. got to see my kids’ faces when opening their presents,” Felix recalls, her voice wavering.
“I saw that my husband is goodlooking.”
Of all the new information the glasses provide, the most important has been social skills she picks up now that she can see facial expressions and body language.
“It’s changed my approach as a parent, because sometimes I don’t see that my kid is upset, so I don’t understand,” she says. “Sometimes I think my kids are ignoring me, but they could be sitting and enjoying something that they’re looking at.”
The glasses have made her condition less of a factor in parenting and in life.
“How I do it is with support and being able to see better,” she says.
“But we shouldn’t be afraid to get help. It actually makes your experiences as a parent better.”