Signs of cheating mean help needed
I discovered 18 months ago that my husband was cruising women online and had a two-year affair with a client.
He swore nothing physical happened with anyone, begged forgiveness and vowed never to repeat.
In the last six months, he shows signs of cheating again. He’s been distant with affection, rarely interested in sex, critical and short-tempered with me.
If I see him texting, he closes the phone screen. I found several Viagra pills that his friend gave him. Now they’re no longer there. He hasn’t used them with me. I’m tempted to call his friend to ask how many pills he’s actually given him. I also found new messages on the old email account, which he’d used for cruising. Am I just being paranoid? I tried to discuss why he’s distant. He says he’s just stressed, and that his distancing and shortness with me are just his way of dealing with it. I’m now three months pregnant after a year of in vitro fertilization. His behaviour is what I’m assuming is making me so disappointed and sad. He’s not supportive about the baby, even though he says he wanted this, too. I’d already said that if he cheated on me again I’d tell all his clients, family and friends. But now that I’m pregnant, I don’t want to be in that position. Yet if he’s cheating, I don’t think I’ll get over it and I’ll resent him greatly. What To Do? Deal with the big issues. Specifically: you’re pregnant; he’s distanced, unaffectionate and unsupportive. Even if not cheating, he’s behaving unkindly. You need to know why. Insist on marriage counselling. Base it on preparation for this longawaited baby but, once in therapy, mention these current signals that remind you of his cheating not so long ago. Threats to “tell” his clients and chasing down Viagra pills only demean and depress you. If you believe he’s cheating again, say so in the counselling process. If he is cheating, talk to a lawyer privately, and then inform your husband of his responsibilities. It’s a surefire wake-up call. My wife of 30 years has a learning disability, attention deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Yet she’s a great wife, best of friends to anyone, a wonderful mother and dedicated employee (her issues, including feelings of inadequacy, prevent her remaining employed for long). However, she has a firm opinion on everything, though the opinions are most often completely wrong, baseless, without merit or thought. She never reads anything to support these statements, simply pronounces it and then defends her opinion to the death. Once she’s losing, she changes to any topic that comes to mind, in an effort to win.
She complains that I’m always right. I say, No, I’m not always right, nobody is. I simply only choose to express an opinion about subjects that I have knowledge of so it may appear that I’m right more often.
Please suggest a different coping mechanism for me, one that leaves her feeling happy and self-satisfied. Need New Trick
Avoid the obvious pitfalls. When she expresses a “baseless” opinion, move the topic to something she does know about.
Ask her advice about matters that she’s good at or cares about, for example, how she responded to one of her friends’ issues, or handled something with your children.
Do not be condescending or dismissive of her opinions. Instead, divert, and stop having discussions you know are useless to you and destructive to her self-confidence. Tip of the day Don’t waste your energy snooping for “proof” when you already know something’s wrong.