Nothing to lose by reaching out to cousin

I recently found ways to contact my long-lost cousin.

Growing up, I was very fond of her. But according to my family, her mother hated my uncle so much that she poisoned her daughter against my whole family, so my cousin cut us all off.

I’ve missed her a lot and really want her back in my life. But I don’t know whether she’s going to be willing to have a relationship with me.

Is it worth pursuing? Should I wait until she seems more likely to accept me, or should I make it known that I want her back, not for my family’s sake (it has nothing to do with them) but for my own?

She’s 19 and lives far away from me. It’s not like I’m going to show up at her doorstep and demand a close relationship . . . just something. Life’s too short to not share it with those I care about.

Missing Cousin

An outreach can’t hurt. Even if not accepted now, it puts both the invitation and welcome out there.

At 19, she may not be ready to disbelieve what she’s heard about your family, and those stories may have been worse than you imagine.

So you’re wise to be clear that this is just between you two, based on the close cousin relationship you once had and that you miss.

Bring her up to date on you, briefly, but show even more interest in her and some memories of good times you shared.

Keep the door open. Tell her how much you’d like to hear from her any time she may feel like doing so. When my sister-in-law married my brother, none of his friends or family were invited, not even his daughter (then age 8).

My brother had lived for a year with my husband and me after his divorce. Then he moved in with my now sister-in-law.

For over a year, she’s been in full attack mode about me on Face- book and says I’m a bad influence on my niece, now 16.

She told my brother about a post I’d made, but she added unpleasant, untrue detail. She and my brother lied about it to my parents. My parents saw my original post and realized that what she’d said that made me look bad was made up. Now no one in my brother’s family is talking to my parents or me and my family. Recently my niece has stopped speaking to me.

For 14 years, I’d invited my brother and niece for dinner, every Tuesday, which was his time with her.

He no longer sees her on Tuesdays, and since then he’s been hostile, miserable and barely civil to us.

Did my sister-in-law manipulate my brother and niece this much? I really miss them. Lost Family This nasty relationship isn’t your fault, but you need to disentangle from it as best you can.

You’ve long known that your sister-in-law is manipulative and distanced your brother from his family. And he accepted it, by not allowing his own daughter and family to be at his wedding. Your dinners were kind, but that didn’t alter his position with her.

All this drama on Facebook should have been avoided whenever possible. Your sister-in-law could still have used it maliciously, but Facebook should be handled judiciously when someone’s looking to hurt you.

Let your brother and your niece know that you love and miss them. Time will tell whether they’ve been distanced too far by her. You have a better chance with your niece, who needs you more.