Don’t look to the movies for over-50 dating answers
1. You believe there is only one soul mate or twin flame for you.
Hollywood has done a number on your psyche when it comes to romance and finding love.
Falling in love is easy. It’s based on hormonal highs that make you feel like this special man in your life is magical and perfect for you.
Think of Jennifer Lopez and all the men she fell in love with. Once the high wore off, she moved on.
It’s more important to fall in “like” with a man, because when the magic wears off after six-to-18 months, you’ll decide whether you want to build a life together.
2. You must have immediate chemistry.
Chemistry is nice, but let’s face it: hot attraction is based on the need to mate and make babies. Our DNA was ingrained with the need to find the most handsome and strongest man out there so our babies had the best chance of surviving in the caveman days.
Sex is very much alive after 50, but even when attraction is there, the way you performed when you were younger is rarely sustainable at this age. There could be sexual issues to deal within both men and women.
More important than chemistry will be the compan-
ionship and the emotional support.
3. He completes me.
Hollywood fooled you again with Jerry
McGuire. When Tom Cruise’s character uttered “you complete me,” men and women started using this barometer as the measure for finding love.
The love of your life should complement you, not complete you. If that person has to complete you, you’re missing something in your own life. After a while, this makes you appear needy, because you must have the other person to make your life OK.
It’s better when you each come into a relationship with your own interests and passions. These create a glow that is appealing to the opposite sex. Of course, having common interests is important for sustaining a relationship over time, but your individual passion will keep the relationship alive.
4. Only wanting to date the “beautiful” people.
There’s a belief that having a handsome man (or beautiful woman) on your arm raises your value to the world.
A relationship, especially after 50, is about far more than a handsome man. Plus as you age, your looks will come from the inner glow of wisdom and feeling good about who you are today.
Handsome men make great eye candy, but most of us need more than this to create a deeper sustainable relationship.
5. You’re looking for perfection.
The casualty of divorce is you really don’t want to fail again. So you start looking for the perfect person.
On a coffee date, instead of getting to know a new and interesting man, you end up interviewing him for the position of your next serious relationship. If he has one thing missing from the imaginary list you find yourself mentally checking off, you end the date and move on. When you were in your teens and 20s, you found relationships with men by hanging out. You didn’t go on a first date trying to figure out if this man was your next spouse. At this stage of the game, everyone comes with a ton of baggage.