Carly and Rob
Carly is a 38-year-old software engineer who lives in midtown. She says “I dress ‘normal,’ as the Gap exhorts, but if the occasion calls for something a bit daring, I can swing fishnets or sequins.” Carly says “I love people, but to balance that out I spend a fair amount of time alone. I’m an extroverted introvert.” For fun, Carly likes to “meander through High Park or the Gardiner beltway.” She says, “Dating has become like a part-time job, but at least I’m learning a lot.”
I met Rob on OkCupid. We established a comfort level by phone first, and then we asked each other out.
He picked me up for the date in a nice, new car, which signified reliability to me, and which I took to be a good sign. When I got in, I realized that he wasn’t as relaxed or as handsome as he appeared in his photos. Perhaps I’m not, either; perhaps no one is.
We went to a chain restaurant. It was large, loud and full of families. I was surprised that Rob had suggested it, especially since we live in a city with amazingly diverse culinary possibilities. I ordered a glass of wine. Right away, the vibe was awkward and unromantic, and the conversation was super-stilted. We talked about our weeks, about work, and about other OkCupid dating experiences.
Dinner was over in record time, maybe 30 minutes. Rob lived nearby and he asked me to have another drink at his place. When we got there, he turned on some music and asked if he could give me a foot massage.
Pre-date, during one of our phone conversations, he’d asked if I liked foot massages. I’d heard this, but didn’t really hear it for what it was. I’d replied “Sure,” thinking, who doesn’t? He’d laughed and said he had “a bit of a foot fetish.” Lots of men say this, in fact, most if not all men enjoy a fresh pedicure. It’s pretty basic. I feel like the phrase “foot fetish” has been so mainstreamed that it’s lost its true sexual connotation.
Rob had my foot in his hand for maybe 30 seconds before he put it in his mouth.
I will never be able to delete from my memory the contortion his mouth made to accommodate all my toes at once. I was transfixed. It all happened so quickly that I couldn’t express my surprise.
He only tongued my foot for a few seconds, really, and then looked at me and asked if I liked it. I had to say that I didn’t. He looked crestfallen, and I told him that while it didn’t feel bad, it just felt like nothing.
I’ve had more than a few men con-
Carly says she’s had men confront her with their fetishes in the Internet dating sphere and “it never goes well”
front me with their fetishes in the Internet dating sphere, and it never goes well.
When you’re in love, you will do whatever your partner sweetly asks for, within reason, but when someone’s a stranger to you, their demands seem egotistical and alienating. There’s a catch-22 for a person with a fetish who wants to be upfront about it. I have a lot of empathy for that. We talked about all of this, while my foot remained wet with his saliva, and freezing cold because the condo air conditioning was on arctic blast and there was no carpet to discreetly wipe it on.
Later, he drove me home, and we parted with tight smiles and polite nods. Even if I had been more attracted to him, I don’t think I fit his needs in the foot department. Carly rates her date (out of 10): 1 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com.