Use a break to settle your relationship issues

I decided to date my best friend and high-school sweetheart, who’d been in love with me for six years when I wasn’t ready.

We started dating and we’re happy.

However, he’s immature, has anger issues and I have my own faults.

We’ve never cheated; never hurt each other. But we broke up after 10 months. We promised to keep our friendship, but it turned into us periodically hating each other. Recently, we made a truce and he treated me so perfectly and cute and cuddly.

He’d call me his girl and say how much he missed me and would even cry. Then he randomly stopped sending cute texts. When I asked why, he said he doesn’t want to call me anything until we’re smooth and good.

He says he still likes me but I don’t understand why he’d call me his girl, hold my hand in public with our friends and then just stop. What do I do? Not So Perfect

Call it a “break.” If he still wants to stay out of contact with no changes after a couple of months, call it a split in which you’re both free to date others.

There’s still immaturity here on both sides, if you two couldn’t face up to and try to handle your differences during those 10 months, or consider getting counselling together.

Unless his anger issues are the main problem.

If anger (or alcohol/substance use connected to the anger?) is the problem, you need a longer period apart in which he tackles these on his own and/or with professional help.

I’m 20, living with my parents and trying to get my first job since I graduated high school. I live in a small town with a few businesses and have no car.

I’ve applied at these stores multiple times with no responses. Two of the stores accept only online applications through the corporation.

I called another place every week, but the manager eventually yelled at me and hung up.

I’m trying to get money so I can buy a car, get my driver’s licence and get money for college.

My family says I’m not trying hard enough.

I’m starting to get heavily depressed and angry. I’m not sure what’s causing me to not get hired. Jobless and Depressed

Since your town has limited businesses, and your education is limited to high school, you need to try to go beyond those limits and expand your opportunities.

Start with yourself. Upgrade your computer skills with an online course, also take an online business course for practical use.

Develop any special interests you have with research into possible online workshops or courses — such as better math skills, retail sales techniques and even another language.

Tell your parents you need time to make yourself more employable in such a small community.

Meantime, don’t hesitate to take on any part-time jobs that can give you spending money and get them off your case — tutoring young students, babysitting, doing errands for the elderly, etc.

Also, volunteer jobs look good on a resumé and make your application more interesting among a pile of others.

Aim for what’s doable, initially. A first job is to get you into the working world and learn how to conduct yourself well.

At this point, it’s unlikely to afford you a car. It’s a step on the ladder toward paying for college, which will open up more job possibilities and a potential career.

A first job is to get you into the working world and about learning how to conduct yourself properly in the work environment

Tip of the day If love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship, use counselling or a break to probe the problems. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays, at thestar.com/elliechat. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.