About face
Men, it’s time to rid yourselves of those bushy beards and embrace your smooth, clean-shaven chins
We’re sorry, George (and Brad, and anyone else with a beard), but it’s time to shave that thing off,
Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached peak beard.
Aviral news story recently told us the typical beard is teeming with microscopic poop particles. The article has since been debunked (beards are covered in bacteria but so are most other parts of the human body, smartphones and door handles). But it makes us wonder: Is it finally time to ditch the beard? Feces or no, the answer is yes. I’ve not been able to fathom, in this age of easily accessible triple-blade razors and artisan shaving soaps, why young urban males frequently participate in what looks, to me, like coureurs des bois role-playing.
For answers, I reached out to Kevin Gillem, the hirsute founder of Lumbermatch.com, a dating site for beard lovers.
“Masculinity has taken huge hits in the last several decades,” Gillem said by email. “Men are more effeminate in many ways. A lot of careers veer away from hard work and place you in a cubicle.
The Internet age has meant more men spend their time behind computer screens rather than digging ditches, framing houses or chopping wood.
“The beard hearkens back to a time when men built things with their hands, protected their women and would rather camp in the woods than stay in a Marriott.”
Beards do connote a primal masculinity, but aren’t we thoroughly past that? Haven’t we long since prioritized brains over brawn? And why should men ever feel the need to distance themselves from the feminine? James Bond is the paragon of masculinity. That guy escaped the clutches of evil masterminds and played human Frogger in a swamp full of crocodiles, all while sporting an impeccably smooth jawline.
Permit me to make a gentle case for the return of the clean-shaven chin. As you will see, the evidence is overwhelming. There is no better time than now to liberate your chins. Sofi Papamarko is a writer and matchmaker who lives in Toronto.