Online dater who won’t video chat likely a scam artist

I’ve been dating this person over the Internet for five months. He seems so perfect that I became wary. He sent me pictures, which I searched on Google and there were no other images like it. My concern is that he refuses to video chat.

He says he’s too self-conscious, also that his phone got stolen. He said he bought a replacement, but the shipping order was messed up so he didn’t bother to get another one.

He’s using an older phone, which only has a back camera, oddly enough.

I like him a lot but I’m afraid he’s a catfish. What should I do? Still Wary

Throw him back to the sea of Internet scammers from which he comes.

Your instinct has already told you he’s deceiving you about who he really is.

No one actively involved on the Internet lives without a phone. Five months is too long for such excuses.

End the contact before he involves you in some deeper scam.

Then start getting out, away from your computer. Meet new people and get to know them in person before you again consider that you’re “dating” someone. My husband lies. He lies about things I’ve seen him do and says it was something else. He has a fantastic memory until I remind him of a hurt he inflicted and then he can’t remember much.

We married at18, had our first son at 18, our second at 20. We’ve been married for 46 years.

He did hurtful things and I let them slide (no affairs that I know of anyway). I’d just get too tired to keep bickering about them.

He retired10 years ago and we travel to California where we lived for 20 years.

We visit with our son and daughter- in-law, as well as friends we have there.

It’s a great life we enjoy. We have a large home and a cottage on a lake. We’re very comfortable financially. But he embarrasses me. I caught him and my sister hugging in a clinch three times, twice in our house and the third time in a bar. Now he says it only happened when he was hugging her goodbye. (b.s. — nobody was going anywhere). I want to leave him, I’m so unhappy. Another time, he and the hostess of a party disappeared behind a locked bathroom door. I pounded on the door but later he said he was in there but never heard the pounding. I feel like a bigger fool than him for staying.

I’ve lost respect for him and myself. We’re 64 and my sister’s 70, but she’s always been very vain. Tired Wife

He’s an unapologetic flirt but there’s no evidence of a full-on affair. It puts you in an uncomfortable position of either accepting the life that you enjoy in every other aspect or leaving him and going it alone. Tell him so. Say that, if you leave, life changes for both of you. One of you must live elsewhere and the cottage divided. Visiting your son will have to be on alternate time, likely hurtful for all of you.

Tell him you can’t tolerate his flirting nor his lies nor clinches between him and your sister (which may be more her doing but he does let it happen).

Be clear that, if he doesn’t discuss this with you and make some changes, he’s facing a divorce.

Suggest that the only other option is to go to couples’ counselling together. Tip of the day Don’t waste your time on an Internet relationship that’s obviously deceitful. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays, at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.