Prom drama
For today’s teens, big dance can bring big pressure,
Public meltdowns. Twitter wars. Death threats.
Gone are the days of innocuous bathroom graffiti complaining about stolen dates and copycat dresses.
Today’s teens, aided by social media, are adding entirely new explosives to the minefield known as “prama” — prom drama.
Stress now includes pressure to pull off an elaborate “promposal” (a proposal to prom), a competition to get the most “likes” on Facebook pictures of dresses, online backlash from peers if unwritten rules are broken and the goal of filling an Instagram account with magazine-worthy pictures.
“It’s not about making sure you have a great dress,” said Aimee Morrison, an associate professor at the University of Waterloo who specializes in new media studies.
“Now, you have to have a promposal that features a marching band that’s going to get 25,000 re-shares on Facebook.”
Nowadays, it’s also the norm for girls to post a photo of their dress on their school’s Facebook or Instagram registry.
And, they must follow unspoken protocols about dress lengths — Grade 11s invited to prom are not supposed to wear long dresses, said teens.
Morrison said teens’ desire to curate a perfect prom appearance and elaborate stunts stems from the need for acceptance, ramped up thanks to social media.
“I think a lot of teenage behaviour is performative,” Morrison said.
“This performance of identity, this trying to seek external validation for your internal self — I am an attractive person, I am a valuable person, I am a cool person — is now coming from an audience that’s bigger than the people in your high school.”
For some teens, that stress is causing them to ditch prom altogether.
“I definitely think there’s pressure to ask (a date) creatively,” said Nick Thompson, a Grade12 student at Ursula Franklin Academy who said some of his guy friends are skipping prom because they decided not to prompose and don’t have dates.
The promposal phenomenon sees teens pulling fire alarms to prompose in front of the entire school, planting candles on beaches spelling out P-R-O-M-? and bringing bundles of balloons and roses to school — sometimes to the displeasure of school officials.
But even those who carried off showy promposals still feel the sting of rejection.
“There’s this whole culture of (promposal recipients) saying yes in front of everyone but they might say no to you later. No one wants to be rude or disrespectful in front of the whole school,” Thompson said.
For girls, the drama tends to be more superficial and vicious.
“There have been death threats over wearing the same dresses,” said Christina Lee, a Grade 11 student at St. Elizabeth Catholic High School in Thornhill. “There’s just, like, crazy people.”
Lee, who was asked to prom by a Grade 12 student, is opting to wear a short dress this year, in accordance with unsaid protocol.
“There’s sort of an unspoken rule that Grade 11s aren’t allowed to wear long dresses,” she said, adding that a girl at her school sent out a tweet warning younger prom-goers not to wear long dresses. “(Grade 12s) want to make sure they look the best.”
Selecting the dress is undoubtedly one of the biggest stressors for teens, say dress shop owners.
“I call it the first wedding,” said Pari Davis, owner of Want Boutique. “It’s all about the dress.”
Like a bride choosing a gown, it’s normal for girls to come in several times with entourages. First, they bring their friends and then they bring their family. Parents spend between $200 and $1,200 on their teen’s outfit, she said.
Total costs — including limo rental, hair, nails, makeup, tuxedo rentals and prom ticket — can reach upwards of $700. The price is usually incurred by parents, teens told the Star.
These factors create a perfect storm of prom-related angst. Davis has witnessed moms and daughters battle over the cost of a dress, overheard fathers say, “I’m not letting you out of the house in that,” and has seen girls burst into tears.
Trend-wise, she said this year’s teens are drawing dress inspiration from celebrities. They are into Beyonce-esque curve-hugging gowns, demure Taylor Swift-like garb and outfits that celebrate their shape. Cut-outs on the bodice are popular, cleavage is out, backs are in and long dresses remain timeless, said Davis.
Colour-wise, neutrals such as champagnes, blushes and whites are popular, along with red, cobalt blue and even black, said Sara Puppi, owner of midtown shop Poor Little Rich Girl. “Young colours,” such as turquoise and pink, are out, she said.
“It’s their princess moment,” said Jasmin Athwal, a recent graduate and prom veteran of Holy Name of Mary Catholic Secondary School in Brampton.
“But in a school where 200 girls are all together, not all of them are going to get a princess moment.”
Athwal has bitter memories of her own days leading up to prom, when one girl tanned for a month and others obsessed over skin care regimes — each one trying to outdo the other.
Her actual prom started off as a big disappointment too.
“The second you arrive ... people aren’t very friendly. They’re all trying to put on this appearance of how amazing they look and they’re very cold,” she said, adding that once the night wore on, the glares finally stopped and everyone relaxed.
Many teens say it’s impossible not to hype up a night that will be documented forever online. “The media has made prom out to be this quintessential high school experience, where 20 years from now you’re going to look back and all you’re going to remember is prom,” said Michelle Dang, a Grade 12 student at York Memorial Collegiate Institute. “It’s sort of like a fantasy.”
Dang — who says she’s low maintenance and rarely wears makeup — readily admits the success of the night hinges on appearances.
She said the purpose of having a date is to get pictures with them and a bad hair day would ruin prom.
She even sold her initial prom dress after realizing another girl had the same one. “I want to be the only one wearing it and feel special,” she said. “You don’t want to have prom as a night of regret.”
And yet, despite spouting off fantasies about a perfect night, Dang knows her expectations are too high. Her older friends have already told her the truth about prom.
“It’s just a place where you have dinner and meet your friends for a few hours,” she said. “That’s pretty much it.”
Inspired by celebrities, teens are choosing dresses with cut-outs on the bodice, little cleavage, open backs and long lengths