Celebrating a ban that will ‘save lives’
MPP says new law that ends ‘conversion therapy’ will make ‘a huge difference’
Stella’s got her groove back.
Born a boy but quickly identifying as a girl, Stella Skinner and her mom Jessica say other kids with sexual or gender identity struggles will more easily find theirs, too, thanks to a groundbreaking law Ontario MPPs passed unanimously this week.
It bans “conversion therapy” for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer children, meaning that parents unhappy with a child’s sexual or gender identity can’t force them into treatment in an attempt to change it.
“No more,” Stella, who turned 7 on Friday, sums it up succinctly. “It’s a great day.”
Not that Stella has ever been pushed to see a doctor or other medical professional about being “converted.”
But she doesn’t want anyone to face what Health Minister Eric Hoskins, a family doctor, calls the “dangerous treatment” and neither does Jessica Skinner.
She acknowledges it took several years to realize the family should let Stella be Stella.
“Ever since she was 2 she picked up everything that was girlie and she had this special, magical way that she walked and danced,” says Skinner.
“She always knew. It was whether I allowed myself to make it OK for her. I would let her have a little sparkle but when she turned 5 I said, ‘You can wear anything.’ And then she was just coated in pink, she was a new person. I felt weak and ashamed for not letting her do it sooner.”
The Skinners had been waiting and watching to see how Stella would develop as she grew older and started school. This is how it goes when you are in uncharted territory.
“We called her a boy who wears dresses . . . we didn’t want to have to face something harder. You always wish your kid was gay, not trans,” Skinner continued as her daughter, restless from too much time with adults in the legislature, romps up and down the grand staircase.
“This Christmas past she said, ‘I want to be a girl, I want to be Stella, she’s my favourite Angry Bird.’ Now’s she’s all the way Stella, she’s happy with who she is and we’re really excited.”
The family of seven, which describes itself as polyfidelitous, also includes Skinner’s husband, Jonathon, their sons Gray,12, and Darwin, 5, plus a third partner, Alex, and her daughter, Emily, 12.
Longtime transgender activist Susan Gapka says children were the driving force behind the legislation proposed by New Democrat MPP Cheri Di Novo (Parkdale—High Park). The bill was passed unanimously by all three parties Thursday, just two months after it was introduced.
Aside from banning conversion therapy for children under 18, it prohibits doctors or other medical professionals from billing OHIP for any such treatments like conversion therapy.
“Really, this is for the younger generation so people can grow up and not go through the struggle that people like myself have had. I ran away from home as a child, ended up on the streets of Toronto,” Gapka told the Star.
Di Novo predicted the law, the only one of its kind in Canada and passed just in time for Pride Week starting June 19, is going to make a “huge difference” in LGBTQ circles.
“We’re sending an incredibly strong message . . . it will change lives, it will save lives because we’re talking about the trans community where you’ve got an almost 50 per cent attempted suicide rate.”
One factor that forced Skinner’s decision to let Stella be Stella followed some troubles at her public elementary school in Acton, north of Toronto.
“She was getting bullied and eventually cornered in the bathroom, an older boy went under the stall and touched her and said, ‘Don’t you tell anybody.’ ”
That’s when Stella, who at the time was “in the middle” of discovering her gender identity, started using the girl’s washroom, Skinner says, praising school officials for accommodating her daughter.
Since then, students in the gaystraight alliance at the Acton high school Stella have also reached out.
“They’re making an extra effort to make sure when she goes to that school she’ll have everything necessary to be successful,” Skinner adds.
Not that she has any doubts the outgoing Stella will be able to handle herself.
“She’s really strong and is ready to have 50 conversations a day about who she is. She knows what’s going on.”
As for Stella’s future, Skinner has explained she can keep her body the way it is. There is also the option of puberty hormone blockers around age 10, female hormones at 16 and, potentially, gender reassignment surgery after she turns 18.
With the law passed and the highprofile transformation of 1976 Olympic decathlon gold medallist Bruce Jenner to Caitlyn Jenner demystifying the transgender world, activists hope public acceptance of the community will grow.
“The conversation needs to start somewhere,” Skinner says.
But there are concerns that Jenner’s wealth and fame will gloss over some of the economic challenges faced by trans people.
“I wish all trans folk had that kind of money. Half of them live below the poverty line. They’re the most marginalized group in our community,” says Di Novo.