‘ Create your own destiny’ ‘ Be the left shark’
From serious to bizarre, words to live by from celebrities giving commencement speeches
It’s that time of year at university and college convocations when students receive not only their diplomas but words of wisdom from transitory scholars. Beyond the platitudes of “do what you love” and “leave the world better than you found it,” here is some of the more idiosyncratic advice from the celebrity class of 2015:
Be the left shark
Meredith Vieira, journalist/talk-show host, Boston University, May 17
“Remember the last Super Bowl, when the Patriots won? You may be thinking of Tom Brady’s deflated balls right now, but I’m thinking of Katy Perry’s halftime performance. She was on stage dancing with two sharks. The shark on the right knew every dance move and performed perfectly. But it was the left shark, the one who went rogue and danced to his own crazy beat, who stole the show. So don’t ever be a conformist for convenience sake. Or as Mark Twain put it, ‘Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.’ Be the left shark.”
Embrace the iffy
Stephen Colbert, talk-show host, Wake Forest University, Winston-Salem, N.C., May 18
“Over the years, I have given my work a lot of thought. I have my own standard for success now.
“I have a pretty good idea of what jokes will get laughs and a pretty good idea of what jokes may be iffy, but I’m going to say them anyway because I kind of like how iffy they are. And those who’ve watched my show over the years know I have made that decision many times. But having my own standards is why I could keep going at times when no one laughed or when I thought the person I was interviewing might throw a punch at me. It’s also why the epitaph on my tombstone will probably read, ‘Well, I thought it was funny.’ Of course, any standards worth having will be a challenge to meet, and most of the time, you will fall short. But what is nice about having your own set of standards is that, from now on, you fill out your own report card. So do yourself a favour: be an easy grader. Score yourself on a curve. Give yourself extra credit. You have the power. You are your own professor now.”
Feel free to horrify us
John Waters, filmmaker, Rhode Island School of Design, May 30
“This might be time for a trigger warning, the amazing concept I’ve heard about where you’re supposed to warn students if you’re gonna talk about something that challenges their values. I thought that’s why you went to college. My whole life has been a trigger warning. But you have been warned. So the trigger warning is [in] effect … Don’t hate all rich people. They’re not all awful. Believe me, I know some evil poor people, too. We need some rich people. Who else is going to back our movies or buy our art?
“Contemporary art’s job is to wreck what came before. Is there a better job description than that to aspire to? Here’s another trigger warning, and pardon [me] for [swearing]: Go out in the world and f--- it up beautifully. Design clothes so hideous that they can’t be worn ironically. Horrify us with new ideas. Outrage outdated critics. Use technology for transgression, not lazy social living. Make me nervous!”
Remember this one thing about money
Denzel Washington, actor, Dillard University, New Orleans, May 9
“You’ll never see a U-Haul behind a hearse. I don’t care how much money you make, you can’t take it with you. The Egyptians tried it. They got robbed. That’s all they got. It’s not how much you have, it’s what you do with what you have.”
Sushi or tempura is better than sushi and tempura
Natalie Portman, actress, Harvard Class Day speaker, May 27 “A couple of years ago I went to Tokyo with my husband and I ate at the most remarkable sushi restaurant. I don’t even eat fish. I’m vegan, so that tells you how good it was. Even with just vegetables, this sushi was the stuff you dream about. The restaurant had six seats. My husband and I marvelled at how anyone could make rice so superior to all other rice. We wondered why they didn’t make a bigger restaurant and be the most popular place in town. Our local friends explained to us that all the best restaurants in Tokyo are that small and do only one type of dish — sushi or tempura or teriyaki — because they want to do that thing well and beautifully. And it’s not about quantity. It’s about taking pleasure in the perfection and beauty of the particular…That the joy and work
ethic and virtuosity we bring to the particular can impart a singular type of enjoyment to those we give to and, of course, to ourselves.”
Find your ego’s mute button
Isabel Bayrakdarian, opera singer, Wilfrid Laurier University, June 8
“Listen to your inner voice. It’s so much wiser and kinder than your logical brain. It often whispers the right answers. So make sure the decibel level of your ego is low or, preferably, muted so that you can always hear your inner voice and be guided by it.”
Get off your ass
Jimmy Buffett, singer, University of Miami, May 8
“It’s a given fact that we now live on a very active big round ball. People are travelling more than ever and the planet has never been more connected. That is the world into which you are going. Millions surf the Internet daily, making money, playing games, gathering all kinds of information. To a surfer, that’s not really surfing. It’s sitting on your ass in front of a computer. Beware of falling into this sedentary trap… Bruce Chatwin sums it up best to me in his book The Songlines. He writes: ‘Sluggish and sedentary people such as the ancient Egyptians — with their concept of an afterlife journey through the Field of Reeds — project onto the next world the journeys they failed to make in this one. Do not fail to make your journeys.’ ”
Follow the first rule of improv
Maya Rudolph, comedian, Tulane University, May 16
“At the Groundlings Theatre in Los Angeles, I studied improvisation. And in improvisation there is one hard and fast rule, and that rule is known as Yes And. The term “yes and” — to say yes, and not just yes, but to add information. In the adding of information, you don’t negate the other person’s idea — but you build on it.
“If I could give my 21-year-old self the advice I’m giving you today and if I had a time machine, well first I would go back in time and invent the iPhone, ’cause I think I could make a ton of money. So if I must give any of you advice it would be, say yes. Say yes and … and create your own destiny.”
Don’t follow your parents’ dreams
Bob McDonald, host of Quirks & Quarks, University of Toronto, June 3
“Make sure that when … you say yes to an opportunity you are facing your dreams. That you’re facing the things that really excite you. Not your parents’ dreams, not your teachers’ dreams, not your friends’ dreams. Your dreams. The things that you get really excited about. When you see an opportunity, take a step towards
that. You’ll be amazed where you end up.”
Oh, and don’t take life advice from celebrities
Jack Black, actor, Montverde Academy, Montverde, Fla., May 23
“Do not listen to me. I don’t know jack diddly squat about nothing. Never listen to dudes like me ever. My ego is so big, I don’t even realize I’m talking until I hear the applause.”