Listen to your parents on this one

Revealing your true feelings to the boyfriend of your dreams could lead to disappointment

I’m a young teen who’s never dated before. My childhood friend and neighbour likes me and has tried to get me to go on a date with him, but I’ve yet to say that he’ll only ever be my friend. I had a dream that a guy transferred to my school and we fell in love. When I woke up, I drew pictures of him.

Several months later, I have a crush on this boy and my dream fits him exactly.

He’s really shy, but opens up to people over time. He’s learned to talk to me a little but it’s hard, as I’m a social but awkward person.

He’s gotten comfortable with my small class and talks to everyone now. One of the girls is good friends with everyone, including him. That makes me shudder with jealousy.

Now, I’m hearing that my best friend forever also likes him. Worse, this guy has become best friends with the boy that has a crush on me.

My parents told me to do nothing about it. Your advice?

Your parents are wise and protective. They don’t want you to embarrass yourself by revealing your feelings to the shy guy who already has too many girls wanting his attention.

He likely feels pressured and awkward about so much interest in him.

You’re sensitive and thoughtful, realizing that you only want to be friends with your neighbour. So gently tell him that you just aren’t ready for more.

The important approach your parents are encouraging is to do nothing based only on your imagination, such as a dream, nor act from jealousy. Both will lead you to false expectations and then hurtful disappointment.

Keep communicating with your parents whenever you’re uncomfortable and unsure. We live with my husband’s parents in their basement, supposedly to save money to buy our own home.

But his father always has “ideas for making a fortune” and talks my husband into “investing” some of our savings . . . but nothing ever turns out as he describes.

We’re involved in small shares of two of his businesses, in which my husband has to work nights and weekends beyond his day job.

I’m left alone with a mother-in-law who’s always got an opinion on whatever I wear or cook, or how I handle our baby. I love my husband and understand that it’s hard to deny his father but we’re never getting ahead this way. Meanwhile, we’re hardly together and often fighting because of the strain. Basement Blues

You and your husband need a plan that takes you out of the basement into a more independent life as a couple.

The basic problem isn’t between you two; it’s his parents’ meddling into your lives and complicating it.

Living in their basement has turned out to be more costly in money and stress than if you were renting elsewhere.

Tell him so. His parents have too much influence and both take advantage. His father by using up both your money and time and his mother by harassing you with constant criticism, knowing you can’t avoid her.

Don’t blame your husband; it’s a pressure cooker for him to live in, too.

Talk about why you married and what you want for your life together.

Then find any way possible to move out — even if it’s a small place — and a way to end the requirement that he also work for his father, unless he’s well paid for his time and also given some time off.