Making time for everything
Author studies 134 high-achieving moms and discovers it is possible to find the perfect work-life balance
Breaking news: women can have it all and — hold on to your diaper bags — at the same time.
This shocking conclusion — and possible reality check — is courtesy of I Know How She Does It, a 291-page book dissecting the work-life balance of 134 high-achieving mothers, hour by hour over a collective 1,001 days, to see exactly how they spend their time. And it reveals how they manage to “have it all.”
U.S. author Laura Vanderkam discussed her findings with the Star.
So, who is she? And how does she do it?
She’s an accountant, lawyer, executive, entrepreneur, physician — a woman who earns six figures or more and has kids. The common story is that women can’t have it all, but I’ve found that women with big jobs have more balanced lives than the popular narrative conveys.
Can you expand on that?
These women work less than we might think (about 44 hours per week) and they get enough sleep (about 52 hours per week). Because of that, they have time for personal and family pursuits as well; that’s 70 hours leftover for other things. So, it’s not surprising these women are able to have full family and personal lives.
So . . . where do all the misconceptions about work-life balance come from?
People haven’t added up the hours. As well, we talk about these 80-hour work weeks and not sleeping, but maybe that’s what we want others to believe. It becomes a competitive thing — a badge of honour.
Why do we want that?
It’s part of a larger issue, in particular with women. We like to tell stories: we talk about crazy things that happen to us and draw the conclusion that life is chaos. We focus on the stressful moments, not the good moments, because those don’t make good stories. But it’s usually not the whole picture.
What is the whole picture?
Perspective. No one is promised a stress-free life no matter what life choices they make. In my book, I write that “life is stressful and life is wonderful.” There is no contradiction here.
Can you define “having it all”?
Having a fulfilling career, happy family life and enough time for sleep and your own interests. Making time for the things that matter, and the good outweighs the bad.
What’s the first step to getting there?
Keep track of your time. It keeps us accountable so we can’t tell ourselves stories that aren’t true. And it can be liberating. Some women who did it told me they used to feel guilty about not spending enough time with their kids, but don’t anymore because they see they devote quite a bit of time to that. It may not be as much as they like or as meaningful, but I don’t think anyone uses all their minutes perfectly.
Where do people find time they didn’t know they had?
Morning. You’ll hear people complain simultaneously that the kids wake up early and they’re not spending time with their kids. You could have family breakfast together or read stories while getting ready.
How should we think about our time and how to fill it?
Consciously fill it first with the things that are meaningful and enjoyable: work that excites you; fun things with family; pursuing hobbies. You’ll generally be happier than if you’re maintaining pristine floors.
Is that how women spend their time?
Funny thing: there is a huge range of time people spend on housekeeping: between two and 25 hours per week. That’s a huge difference between
Should we all be messy?
It doesn’t cost anything to lower your standards and housework, like answering emails, expands to fill the available space, but it will never be done.
A lot of these successful women probably have nannies; discuss?
It’s a sensitive topic. Clearly having a big job allows you to afford help and that often makes life more doable.
Has this project changed how you view time?
I’m trying to seize the small moments to spend one-on-one time with each of my four young kids. I’m trying to find little bits of time to read a story to one or hug and talk with one. It’s better than answering emails.
How do you want people to view your book?
As empowering. It’s not about scheduling every moment of life. It is about being mindful of your choices. I hope younger women pick it up because they (probably) hear the message that they’ll have to choose between kids and a full work life. It’s possible to have both — not only possible, but you won’t be a sleep deprived mess!