Songs about food are mostly just sex metaphors
From Monty Python to Stompin’ Tom Connors, these will make you hungry
From Kelis and her “Milkshake” to the Guess Who’s ode to “Road Food” to Maroon 5’s current hit, “Sugar,” the majority of songs that invoke cuisine are just metaphors that aspire to double entendre (and gladly settle for single).
All of which means you’ll either be singing “I Want Candy” at the top of your lungs between rest stops or hoping that the impressionable minds in the backseat aren’t paying too much attention to the rest of the words. As for the Beatles and Monty Python . . . 1. “Savoy Truffle” This tune was written about, as George Harrison explains in his autobiography, Eric Clapton’s uncontrollable craving for chocolate and the subsequent dental fallout — or, as the chorus goes, “But you’ll have to have them all pulled out after the savoy truffle.” With its tantalizing list of exotic sweets (cream tangerine, Montelimar, Ginger sling, apple tart), it works as both a musical hors d’oeuvre for grown-ups and a cautionary tale for their kids. 2. “Spam Song” The musical distillation of a typically loopy Monty Python sketch with singing Vikings consists almost entirely of the titular word repeated dozens of times, in increasingly semi-operatic fashion, all in the space of 33 seconds.
As gastronomical sing-alongs go, it’s foolproof. 3. “Eat to the Beat” Speaking of songs that are about food except when they aren’t, this sugar rush of a Blondie hit is as close to theme music for eating on the road as you’re likely to find. It’s easy to make out the lyrics about pizza and peanut butter, less so the one line of adults-only content just after the chorus. 4. “Eggs and Sausage” Only Tom Waits could make the first meal of the day sound like something Dick Tracy would be found ordering at four in the morning after taking one in the leg. For a gentler start to the day’s travel, there’s always Simon & Garfunkel’s “Punky’s Dilemma,” with its Kellogg’s cornflakes, English muffins and, of course, boysenberry jam. 5. “Peaches” “Movin’ to the country/Gonna eat a lot of peaches.” Finally, a song about food that’s good for you, this celebration of “nature’s candy” by Seattle’s preternaturally goofy Presidents of the United States of America is the ideal soundtrack for those stretches when you’re desperately scanning the shoulder for any signs of a roadside fruit stand. 6. “Tupelo Honey” “Just like honey, baby, from the bee.”
Van Morrison’s declaration of everlasting love does such a memorable job of placing honey (not to mention “all the tea in China”) at the heart of the matter, it’s easy to forget that it’s a metaphor. To paraphrase Homer Simpson: “Mmm. Honey.” 7. “Green Onions” The origin of the title for the Booker T. and the MG’s three-minute master class in funk has inspired a multitude of explanations over the years, from guitarist Steve Cropper’s assertion that it was named after a cat, to Booker T.’s line that green onions are “the nastiest thing I can think of and it’s something you throw away.” Clearly he’s never consumed the contents of the next song on this list. 8. “Junkfood Junkie” Twinkies, Fritos, Big Macs, Moon Pies. Larry Groce’s woozy inventory of convenience store staples doubles as a not-to-do list for anyone stock- ing up on food meant to be consumed inside the car. If not, Groce makes the danger explicit a little later on: “I’m afraid someday they’ll find me just stretched out on my bed/With a handful of Pringles potato chips and a Ding Dong by my head.” 9. “Bud the Spud” Hands-down the most Canadian of road-food songs, this Stompin’ Tom Connors’ number about potatoes and a trucker who hauls them should be treated as a national heirloom, designed to be passed down from one generation to the next. And what better time and place to convince your kids to listen to it than when they’re trapped with you and Tom in a confined space? 10. “Red’s” “Hamburger, cheeseburger, lettuce and tomato . . .” Along with Jimmy Buffet’s “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” this road-food classic-in-waiting by the Morells is a shining exception to the songs-about-food-are-reallyabout-sex rule.
The one and only thing it has on its mind is getting to the best burger joint around as fast as possible. Sometimes, especially near the end of a journey, that can seem way more important than anything on your planned itinerary.