In case of emergency, call Donnie Graham

I took vacation last week and went to Nova Scotia for two reasons: to visit my sister in New Glasgow and to drive on the open road out there because there is no such thing as traffic in that province.

I flew into Halifax (I shook hands with the Air Canada pilot as I left the plane because it took him two tries to land, it was so rainy and foggy) and rented a Lincoln MKC from Avis.

As I left the parking garage at the airport, there was a downpour so I turned on the front windshield wipers by moving the stem on the right-side of the steering wheel up a notch. I then set sail for Truro.

As I drove along the Trans-Canada, the rain stopped, so I turned off the wipers.

I got to Truro and made a right turn toward New Glasgow and it started to drizzle. I was about to turn on the wipers when I realized they were already going.

Wow, I thought. This car has rainsensing windshield wipers. I’d heard about them and I have to say I was impressed — until the rain stopped and the wipers wouldn’t.

All the way into New Glasgow, those windshield wipers kept right on wipin’.

The windshield was dry and there was no rain falling but those wipers would just not quit.

When it’s raining, you do not notice the windshield wipers because they are doing their job.

But when it’s not raining, and the wipers keep going, it’s enough to drive you crazy.

I checked into a hotel and telephoned my wife to tell her, a) that I’d arrived safely and, b) did she have any idea how to go about turning off those stupid windshield wipers?

So she told me to use my smartphone and to go to Google.

“Put in Lincoln and windshield wipers and see what comes up,” she said.

Google took me directly to a video that explained rain-sensing front windshield wipers on Lincolns.

It even directed me to the control panel in the car and showed me how to turn this delightful little feature off.

The next morning, I found the control panel and the line that said windshield wipers and another line that said “rain-sensing” and I turned it all off and the damn wipers kept working anyway.

I was about to phone Avis to tell them I would be returning to Halifax and to have another car ready because this one was making me insane when — for some inexplicable reason — the phrase “old college try” popped into my head.

Wow, I thought. This car has rain-sensing windshield wipers. I was impressed . . . until the rain stopped and the wipers wouldn’t

Yes, I thought. I will go to a Ford dealer. So I went to Highland Ford in Westville, where I met Donnie Graham, the sales manager.

He sat down behind the wheel and pretty much did what I’d done previously, also to no avail.

But then he did something I hadn’t done.

He took that stem in his right hand and he put it all the way up and then all the way down. And up and down, up and down, up and down and do you know what? The windshield wipers stopped working. Hallelujah! It was dry the rest of my stay. Other than the wiper problem, which was probably my fault for either not reading the manual or asking the Avis people if there was anything different about the car I was about to take, the Lincoln was perfect and I’d rent one again in a second.

Of course, the next time I’ll take my wife with me.

Or else check to make sure Donnie Graham’s around in case of emergency.