Rhinoceros party back on the election trail

Satirical group promises to nationalize Tim Hortons, move capital to Kapuskasing

MONTREAL— The Rhinoceros party is back in the running in the federal election with a promise to nationalize Tim Hortons and move the capital to Kapuskasing, Ont.

The 52-year-old political party is even offering outgoing MP Eve Adams, who lost a Liberal nomination after jumping from the Tories, a riding of her choice in any Toronto-area riding.

The Rhinos have been on and off the election trail since 1963.

This time, it’s promising, among other things, to move Canada’s capital from Ottawa to Kapuskasing — because it’s in the middle of the country.

If the satirical Rhinos win a majority, they also have a big pilot project in their 2015-3015 election platform: the privatization of the Canadian army and the nationalization of Tim Hortons.

Party leader Sebastien Corriveau was hoping to make the announcement Monday at a news conference in a Timmy’s in east-end Montreal, but he was thrown out.

He had to settle on meeting reporters on the street in front of a military base across the street.

“You know that Tim Hortons is a symbol of Canadian pride and we’re all very happy to be Canadians,” Corriveau said.

Corriveau also boasted that the Rhinos are promising a mind-blowing experience at the ballot box on Oct. 19 for those who choose his party. “The moment when you vote Rhino, you will automatically have an orgasm,” he promised.

But Montreal-area candidate Ben Benoit, who is running in his fourth federal election as a Rhino, admitted he won’t be happy if he wins.

“I don’t want to move to Ottawa because it’s too far from my riding and it would be a big shock because I would have to change my job,” he said.