LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BOYS
Whether One Direction stays or goes, boy bands will endure,
After five years of simultaneously entertaining teenagers and violating the eardrums of anyone over 25, One Direction has lost its way.
Zayn Malik jumped ship in March to live while he’s young and the former U.K. X Factor finalists are taking a break in March, which some interpret as signs of an imminent breakup.
1D are far from being the first darlings of the adolescent teenybopper crowd to top the charts for a prolonged period of time despite their cheesy song lyrics and occasionally questionable musical talent.
From Rollermania in the 1970s to the lost Directioners in 2015, here are eight boy bands whose posters once adorned the walls of teenagers across the globe.
Bay City Rollers From: Edinburgh, Scotland Years active: 1966-87 originally Members: There have been hundreds. Most would remember the lineup as Eric Faulkner, Stuart “Woody” Wood, Les McKeown, Alan Longmuir and Derek Longmuir. Biggest hits: “Saturday Night” (No.1 U.S. and Canada), “Money Honey” (No. 9 U.S. and No. 1 Canada), “I Only Want to Be With You” (No. 12 U.S., No. 3 Canada) Distinctive feature: Arguably the original teenage boy band sensation, assuming you don’t count the Beatles. That and all the tartan. Worst ear-insulting tune: “Shang-a-Lang” Most cringeworthy lyrics: “Yeah we sang shang-a-lang and we ran with the gang. Doin’ doo wop be dooby do eye.”
New Kids on the Block From: Boston, Mass. Members: Jordan Knight, Jonathan Knight, Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg and Danny Wood Years active: 1984-1994 originally Biggest hits: “Step by Step” (No. 1 U.S., No. 2 Canada), “Hangin’ Tough” (No. 1 U.S., No. 7 Canada) Distinctive feature: Co-ordinated dance moves to the max, making acronyms popular among teenagers (NKOTB), launching the career of Mark Wahlberg’s brother Worst ear-insulting tune: “Hangin’ Tough” Most cringeworthy lyrics: “Everybody’s always talking ’bout who’s on top. Don’t cross our path ’cause you’re gonna get stomped!”
Boyz II Men From: Philadelphia, Penn. Members: Nathan Morris, Shawn Stockman, Wanya Morris and Michael McCary Years active: 1985 onwards Biggest hits: “End of the Road” (No. 1 U.S., No. 3 Canada), “I’ll Make Love to You” (No. 1 U.S. and Canada) Distinctive feature: Being substantially more memorable than the other bands on this list, power ballads. Worst ear-insulting tune: “Uhh Ahh” Most cringeworthy lyrics: “The love that we share is the same. I can tell when I reach down deep inside. You show it when you call out my name.”
Backstreet Boys From: Orlando, Fla. Members: A.J. McLean, Howie Dorough, Nick Carter, Kevin Richard- son, Brian Littrell Years active: 1993 onwards Biggest hits: “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)” (No. 2 U.S., No. 3 Canada), “Everybody” (No. 4 U.S., No. 2 Canada), “I Want It That Way (No. 6 U.S., No. 1 Canada) Distinctive feature: Being slightly more memorable than almost all the other bands on this list Worst ear-insulting tune: “As Long as You Love Me” Most cringeworthy lyrics: “People say I’m crazy and that I am blind, risking it all in a glance. And how you got me blind is still a mystery. I can’t get you out of my head.”
Hanson From: Oklahoma Members: Zac, Isaac and Taylor Hanson Years active: 1992 onwards Biggest hits: “MMMBop” (No.1 U.S. and Canada), “Where’s the Love” (No. 27 U.S., No. 2 Canada) Distinctive feature: Being brothers and that blond hair Worst ear-insulting tune: “I Will Come to You” Most cringeworthy lyrics: “Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose. You can plant any one of those. Keep planting to find out which one grows. It’s a secret no one knows.”
‘N SYNC From: Orlando, Fla. Members: Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Lance Bass, Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick Years active: 1995-2002 Biggest hits: “It’s Gonna Be Me” (No. 1 U.S. and Canada), “Bye Bye Bye” (No. 4 U.S., No. 1 Canada) Distinctive feature: Justin Timberlake with some truly amazing haircuts. Worst ear-insulting tune: “Thinking of You (I Drive Myself Crazy)” Most cringeworthy lyrics: “When you smile, I feel my heart open and I know there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do.”
Lyte Funkie Ones (LFO) From: Massachusetts Years active: 1995-2002 originally Members: Rich Cronin, Brad Fischetti, Devin Lima, Brian Gillis Biggest hits: “Summer Girls” (No. 3 U.S., No. 16 Canada), “Girl on TV” (No. 10 U.S., No. 39 Canada) Distinctive feature: Referring to New Kids on the Block in their one big hit song, possibly ironically Worst ear-insulting tune: “Summer Girls” Most cringeworthy lyrics: “When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet. Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets.”
Five From: London, England. Years active: 1997-2001originally Members: Sean Conlon, Ritchie Neville, Scott Robinson, J Brown, Abz Love Biggest hits: “When The Lights Go Out” (No.10 U.S., No. 4 U.K.) and U.K. top five hits including “Everybody Get Up,” “Until the Time is Through,” “If Ya Gettin’ Down” and No. 1 single “Keep On Movin’” Distinctive feature: None Worst ear-insulting tune: “Everybody Get Up” Most cringeworthy lyrics: “I’m lyrically blessed, so don’t try to ignore, time for some action creeping up your back and keep the beat nasty like Janet my reaction, hard I’m addictive better lock your kids in.”
Honorary mentions: Westlife, Boyzone, New Edition, the Moffats, McFly, Busted, the Jonas Brothers