Cohabitation deal will cover your assets

For seven years, I’ve been with a wonderful, kind and caring man whom I love.

We both were previously married, each with one child. I’m much younger than him and my child’s still in elementary school.

He’s looking at retiring soon. We’ve been planning on moving in together in my house.

However, he still supports his adult child (in her 30s) and has said it’s too late to teach her to be financially responsible.

I’m not sure I can accept this once we’re living together.

I’ll need to legally protect myself and my child. I need help to get over this hump. Upset and Concerned

You’ll need a cohabitation agreement that states that the house belongs to you. It’s in your will that you decide whether, if you pass before him, he has rights to live there for one year or five years, etc. and whether the property then is owned by your child, or sold for the money to be invested for your child.

Talk this over thoroughly with your boyfriend and then with your lawyer. It’s not an unusual approach in similar cases.

Then you need to agree on sharing household expenses. Both of you have support obligations (it’s his right to do as he pleases with his own money), so you need to be able to afford them after shared household expenses.

If he can pay his way and support his adult daughter, that’s his business.

I’m stressing over attending my halfsister’s baby shower being thrown by my sister-in-law. I’m due with my second child and hurt that no one in my family threw a shower for my first.

This all-out shower has the expectation that guests will bring a gift, a package of diapers and a book. I have a budget to support my own family and it’s all just too much.

My sister’s the youngest by 10 years and has been spoiled rotten. She treats everyone like garbage, yet my family bends over backward for her.

My brother’s also attending from out-of-town, yet he rarely makes an effort to visit my family.

I have jealousy issues, as my parents had a tight budget when they raised me and my brothers, but not with my sister, who had the best of everything.

I heard that my brother and I aren’t equally entitled as my half-sister and stepbrother in my father and stepmother’s wills.

I don’t need the inheritance, but the notion was shocking.

I’m hoping this jealous feeling will go away, but part of me wants to call in sick on the shower day. Jealous and Hurt

Old jealousies and reasons for new ones don’t just disappear.

You need to work at not letting them sour your life.

You’d benefit from counselling and there’s no better time than now, while adding to your young family.

You want to raise your children with a bright, optimistic and positive attitude . . . but jealousy and bitterness cloud that view of life.

The kids will pick up what you feel, unless you try a lot harder to look at all this differently.

Your half-sister didn’t ask to be born later and be spoiled. That’s her parents’ fault.

If you’d wanted a first-baby shower, you could’ve encouraged someone — a friend, if not family — to organize one.

As for the wills, ask your father about them and ask his reasoning. If they’re just plain uneven-handed about it, so be it. It’s their money. At least you’ll know the why . . . and it’s probably not exactly as you think.

Tip of the day When people with separate children cohabit, a legal agreement makes the arrangement clear. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice