Recovering an emotional connection with partner
I’m in a tough spot. My common-law partner of four years says he’s lost the emotional connection we once had. This led him to kiss another woman, which he admitted. He swears he has no interest in contacting her again. But how do you emotionally reconnect with someone?
He’s the love of my life. Concerned Partner
Listen to what he is feeling, after you gently tell him that you want to hear what’s been on his mind lately.
Don’t push for hard specifics. He may not be sure of what he feels. It could be a vague sense of restlessness that’s distanced him emotionally.
It may not even be about your relationship, but more his own curiosity about what choices are possible in his life.
Show that he can talk to you, share his dreams, explore new plans.
But, if he remains distant or closed off, suggest he go for counselling on his own to work it out till he can answer specifically. My friend since high school and I are now in our 30s. I was there when she went through a difficult divorce.
It was emotionally draining as she’s always complained about what’s lacking in her life and relationships, but I felt it important to support her. Things got much better; she became more positive and companionable. However, I then experienced many changes — part-time school and fulltime work, a tough relationship, then recently married.
Long before I got engaged, she spoke seriously to me about my not making her a priority in my life. I acknowledged my hard time balancing all my responsibilities with my social life. I made an effort to change. However, she said it again.
I felt that nothing I do will satisfy her.
Eighteen months later, I’ve reached out many times, but she’s often bailed on plans. Since my wedding, it’s worse. Meanwhile, we’ve developed a common group of girlfriends who are positive and supportive. But since my wedding she’s made many abrasive comments to me publicly, within our girls’ group.
I must’ve done something to upset her but have no idea what it is.
I no longer have patience for relationships I have to decode.
I’ve tried to chat both through our girls’ chat and privately. I’ve acknowledged the distance between us and that I value her friendship. But it’s been to no avail.
She’s been busy these last six months with her own schooling, but is now back again in the girls’ group.
It’s now hard for me to stay positive and in touch with this awesome group while my relationship with her crumbles. How can I resolve my negative and angry feelings toward her while maintaining a positive and healthy relationship with the group? Dazed and Confused
You were right long ago. Nothing you do satisfies her.
But that doesn’t mean you have to drop out of this group — and it’d be unwise and counterintuitive to do so.
The others can hear/see her negative attitude toward you. And they won’t admire it.
Privately, you can ask her, but just once, if you’ve done something to offend her. If she doesn’t have a specific reason — just general dissatisfaction with you — drop the topic.
When you get together with everyone, be polite and pleasant to her but don’t expect more.
You have a husband, work and a great circle of friends.
She’s not behaving as your best friend anymore and she’s become draining again.