It’s the bad guys versus the worse guys: Time to embrace it
The NFL is like Donald Trump. For all of its missteps, it still falls upwards
Thank god the NFL is back. I don’t feel good about that, but there, I said it.
There is so much to loathe about the National Football League that it’s almost like trying to pick out the worst thing Donald Trump has said during his run for president. Was it the thing about John McCain being a lousy war hero because he was tortured? The one about Mexican immigrants being rapists? The thing about wanting to have sex with his daughter? None of these are imagined: all of them are real. Trump has said that latter one before, too. It hasn’t affected his lunatic ascent.
God, Donald Trump is going to win the Republican nomination, isn’t he? I wonder whether Miss USA will make a good running mate.
Anyway, right now the NFL is Trump. No matter the outrage, the incompetence, the grandiose insanity, it falls upwards.
The Washingtons? Their general manager’s wife accused an ESPN reporter of providing fellatio in exchange for scoops, and some people figured the coach intentionally got his former franchise quarterback concussed.
Elsewhere, a young star quit the game after his rookie season because he didn’t want to wreck his brain. An ESPN broadcaster told a rookie symposium to have a fall guy in case of criminal charges, in a video posted on the NFL’s web site.
If you are reading this, you are my fall guy. Yes, you. Appreciate it, fam.
And then there was Deflategate, which was theoretically embarrassing for Tom Brady, the guys who worked for Tom Brady, the Patriots, the Colts, Roger Goodell, Roger Goodell’s work buddies, Roger Goodell again, and Roger Goodell.
Roger Goodell is not good at this part of his job, guys. He is the guy who makes scrambled eggs at a restaurant with a mallet, and, for some reason, ostrich eggs. It gets messy.
There was the ESPN report about New England’s cheating over the years — uh, sneaking into the oppos- ing locker room to steal play sheets is actually probably a criminal offence, right? — and the NFL, cowed or in a coma, hasn’t said a word about any of it.
Deflategate was pretty much bad guys versus worse guys, and ended with Brady strutting back onto the job after winning by so much that Goodell didn’t even attend the sea- son opener in Foxborough, Mass., Thursday night. That’s a blowout, baby. That is a talk-back-to-theirbench-and-talk-about-their-moms-and-steal-valuables-from-their-locker-room kind of victory.
And let’s be honest: It made the opening game of the season on Thursday night that much more compelling, right? It made it colos- sal. When the Steelers heard the Patriots radio broadcast in their headsets in the first quarter, it fit perfectly into the script.
Meanwhile, Brady feels like he’s been made into a movie star’s movie star. Now every game he plays feels like a statement.
The Patriots are the story of the season and will remain so, right up until they lose to Baltimore in the playoffs, who will then be beaten by whichever of the superior NFC teams emerge from the pit.
Seattle, Green Bay, Philadelphia, Dallas maybe — it doesn’t feel like there are a lot of great teams. Eh, make it Seattle, or if chaos reigns, Philadelphia.
The key story in all of this, by the way, was Chris Borland, the budding star who left to save his brain. The rest was window dressing, characters in the TV show.
It’s a slippery slope, pondering the costs of the your entertainment. As my friend Ray Ratto of Comcast Bay Area puts it, everything’s a guilty pleasure if you think enough about it. The NFL’s back. If you allow yourself to think about it, it’s one of the guiltiest pleasure of all.
Last season, this space finished above .500, but as a rule, this space is not very good at this. Like, Roger Goodell-trying-to-guess-what-abag-of-milk-costs bad.