Beyond the zipless encounter
Before Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw idealized sex and singlehood and Bridget Jones navigated the dating minefield, there was Isadora Wing, heroine of Erica Jong’s groundbreaking book, Fear of Flying in the 1970s. With Jong’s creation of Wing and the “zipless f--k” — simply, sex with no strings attached, the sex you have with a stranger on the subway and never see again — the book ushered in the age of sexual freedom for women. Jong’s latest book, Fear of Dying, tackles weightier issues, but they are no less entertaining. There’s not as much “zipless” these days, but it still happily figures in. The years have not softened the edge, wit and incredible intelligence of Erica Jong — and that’s a good thing.
In Fear of Dying, Jong’s heroine Vanessa Wonderman, an actress whose career is winding down, struggles with dying parents, a sick husband 15 years her senior, two squabbling sisters and a pregnant daughter all the while wondering if a “zipless f--k” might temporarily provide an escape. It seems “zipless.com,” the website inspired by the writings of Isadora Wing (she of Fear of Flying fame), promises “no strings attached” encounters. Vanessa is intrigued.
Fortunately her adventures on the website do not overwhelm, nor does the technology.
Jong is an absolute delight to read. She is funny, smart and thoughtful. Her language is lush. And it’s salty, but that’s OK, because the saltiness allows that, even though her heroine has weighty matters to address, she’s still a lusty and lusting human who worries society would rather see her fade away like a “good old girl” and spare her daughter the embarrassments of her passions.
She also laments her daughter’s generation turning their backs on their brilliant careers, opining that a woman without a paycheque becomes a slave in a world worshipping Mammon (wealth). And then there’s the naked grief she struggles with as she tends husband, Asher, and her dying parents.
Reading Fear of Dying is like sharing a great conversation with Jong. She’s that friend who stays a couple of days, allowing you both to lie back on the couch and chew away on ideas. She ruminates on death, life, aging, and rebirth that grandchildren can bring. As life winds down, it becomes all so much more profound and tragic. And too often unspoken.
Vanessa doesn’t find redemption down the zipless.com rabbit hole, choosing rather her mates in the real world. Instead of opting for the young lover on zipless.com, she buries her parents, delights in her new grandchild and discovers she and Asher are able to rekindle their physical passion.
Jong’s take on satisfying sex has changed and mellowed over the years, but it’s no less empowering. Vanessa has learned that control is more than just whips and restraints. It’s about finding something you actually can control, in a world that veers so perilously out of control as you age.
Maybe that’s zipped love — lasting a lifetime or at least a long time. Georgie Binks is the author of A Crack in the Pavement.