Don’t give in to group pressure

A couple of my work colleagues were obsessed with the hacked Ashley Madison lists and said they’ve found some names from our company (it’s a large business with employees across the country).

I’ve repeatedly said I don’t want to know, but they’ve kept teasing me with hints, which made me furious.

I said that neither they, nor I, have any idea of the personal lives of those people — maybe their spouses already knew they cheated, maybe they both cheated.

Why care other than for gossip, which could ruin their lives, and maybe even cost them their jobs?

I’m now less respectful of those two colleagues, because of their self-righteous attitudes. I’m not sure how to stay on good terms, which makes the work atmosphere less comfortable for me. Other People’s Business

Sticking to your principles can be difficult under group pressure, which makes it all the more admirable. Keep insisting that you don’t want to know and want no part in the gossip.

Your points are dead on: No one knows what private arrangements or needs other couples have.

Meanwhile, the gossipers put themselves at risk of backlash . . . since rarely are people who like to dig in dirt totally clean.

But hopefully the feeding frenzy on this particular exposure of private lives will die down.

There will be other sensational stories to replace this one — celebrity divorces excite these types — hopefully without a similar connection to people you know.

Keep your conversations with these co-workers professional. Be “busy” when they want to chat until they’ve moved on to neutral topics. I shared a post on Facebook asking friends what they first notice whenever they see me. I already had an idea people would say my hair — yet I was hoping they could overlook the fact that my hair’s a different “odd” colour every month. I’m not so sure why I’m upset that I’m “the girl with the (blank) coloured hair.” I want to be more than that.

I’ve thought about dying it back to my natural colour, but people always say it wouldn’t feel right to see me with “normal-coloured” hair.

Initially, I loved that I had a unique identifier, but now I need something new.

But I fear I’ll lose the person I’ve become.

My different-coloured hair used to motivate me to do better. It was a fresh look every month, a fresh start. Now it’s almost dull to me. I’ve been dying it blues, purples, greens, pinks, reds, etc. for three and a half years. Before that, it was “bold” haircuts.

I shaved half my head, let it grow back a decent amount, cut the rest that length, then shaved it all off, later bleached it, dyed it a bright red, and it went on from there.

All in my first year of high school. I’m now 18 and graduated this past summer.

I need an objective voice to loosen the jumbled thoughts in my brain. Mixed-Up Girl

You’re bold and unique, but you’re also older than when you needed to make a new statement every month through just your hair.

You’ve become far more than your hair — thoughtful, less concerned with others’ opinions, interested in more meaningful ways to express yourself. Perfect timing.

Hopefully, you’re headed for university — higher education, deeper thinking, a growing sense of what your goals are.

You’re no longer seeking attention for attention’s sake. You don’t need to dye your hair to define yourself. Tip of the day When the office gossip gets malicious, get “busy” and professional, to avoid the dirt. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice