Need a friend? Take a seat on the buddy bench
Owen Stewart likes to play soccer at recess, but for part of Grade 3 he had no one to play with.
For the third time in six years, the 8year-old followed his mother to a new city, a new school and had to make new pals.
One afternoon, Owen stood alone in the schoolyard next to a bench and kicked his ball against a wall.
He didn’t have to wait long before another boy spotted him near the “buddy bench” and joined in.
The 475 students of Rick Hansen Public School in Aurora know the bench as the go-to spot for lonely kids seeking a friend.
Across the country and south of the border, schools are experimenting with buddy benches to make playgrounds more welcoming. In just the past month, news outlets in Ohio, North Carolina and Connecticut reported that local schools are turning to buddy benches to encourage kids to play nice.
In Owen’s case, at least, it has helped. At former schools, he’s been so lonely his mother said she considered leaving work to keep him company.
“As a parent, it’s heartbreaking,” she said.
“As a child, it’s scary asking people if you can play. Childhood friendships, they change. Kids like to play with someone else, and you’re often left feeling lonely, embarrassed and just really shy.”
Owen’s mother says her son has stopped lamenting a lack of friends. Rachel Stewart learned about the bench one day as she walked through the playground with Owen after school.
“Have you seen kids sitting on this bench?” she asked him. “Yes.” “Have you helped them?” “Of course I’ve helped them. We all help them,” he answered.
Stewart liked the idea of a buddy bench so much that she started a crowd-funding campaign to equip more Ontario schools with one. Since last Friday, she has raised $2,200, and the Facebook page she made to spread the word has more than 12,000 likes.
It has caught on because everyone can remember how they felt as the new kid at school, she speculated.
Owen’s school installed the ordinary-looking bench a year and a half ago, according to the school’s principal, Steven Gardner.
Some teachers were skeptical at first, thinking that it could make lonely students feel even more alone. But the bench has fulfilled its purpose and become a gathering spot for kids who want to make bracelets, draw or play with Pokémon cards, he said.
“The part that has been wonderful is that it’s not just one grade that’s there,” he said. “Grade 4s interact with Grades 1 and 2, in a positive way. Sometimes the grades can be pretty insular.”
To Angela Pyle, an expert in child development at the University of Toronto and a former elementary school teacher, the buddy bench sounds like a good idea.
“Play can support students as they learn to solve problems, share their perspectives and regulate their emotions and behaviours,” she said in an email.
“By providing tools like the buddy bench, the school community is helping students engage in this play and communicate with each (other) in a positive and productive manner.”
Owen put things a little more simply.
“It’s a great place for kids to stay and hang out and for a friend to come and play with them.”