‘He helped me stay strong when I felt like giving up’
Steve Coughlin’s tough love includes life lessons teens apply outside the classroom
He takes calls after hours — well after hours in some cases, when students phone after midnight, freaking out, because they’ve just been kicked out of the house and have nowhere to go. After school, he’s been known to drop off homework to teens who’ve been suspended, write letters to the courts to help get students back to school, and even visited one after she’d been admitted to a mentalhealth ward.
During the day, his office at Brampton’s Notre Dame Catholic Secondary School is home to a steady stream of teens looking to talk, to cry, rant, to calm down or even just to grab a snack. (He keeps a room next door fully stocked with bread, apples and Rice Krispies squares). He comforts them, cracks jokes and needles them to get back to class.
And he does not hesitate to tear a strip off them when they need to be told they’ve been a jerk.
This combination of tough love, and soft love, has earned 29-year teaching veteran Steve Coughlin a soft spot in the hearts of his students.
“Just thinking about what Steve Coughlin has done for me makes me want to cry for happiness,” wrote one student in her nomination letter for the Toronto Star teacher awards, for which the 58-year-old educator received an Honourable Mention.
“I can’t even imagine what path I would be going down right now if Steve wasn’t there to turn me around into a whole new person,” wrote the student, who is currently back in school full time after a brush with the law.
A second nomination letter, from a teen who faced drug addiction as well as bipolar disorder, said “Mr. Coughlin has been there for me at my lowest points. When I had no one to turn to, including my family, Mr. Coughlin made me feel comfortable to reach out to him . . . the best part is he always knew the right thing to say . . . he has helped me cope (with bipolar disorder) better than any therapist or counsellor I’ve ever had.
“He helped me stay strong when I felt like giving up.”
Coughlin, a father of two grown sons, began his career as a religion teacher and will retire in the next year or two. He said his strategy is to set high standards because kids will rise to meet them.
Most teens at the school first meet him during outreach visits to elementary schools — “the Coughlin show” — where he combines frank talk and a bit of humour about transitioning to Notre Dame. As student success teacher at the school for the past 12 years, those visits give teens a familiar face once they arrive and someone to turn to. And turn to him they do. Midday Monday at school, a hulking teen stood in the doorway of his office, agitated.
“I am going to leave before I put my fist through something,” the teen said. Coughlin then asked if something happened at school; the teen says the problem began on the weekend. The two chat a bit and then agree it’s best for him to leave, and arrange to meet up Tuesday morning.
Coughlin prides himself on the strong relationships he has with students, to whom he is “a problemsolver, a solution maker . . . I don’t work 8 to 4. If someone is in need, I respond.”
He’s a former school chaplain who uses humour — one girl was upset about the way she was being treated and said “I wish I was a guy,” when Coughlin quipped: “At least you could pee standing up,” and they broke out laughing — and may draw pictures or diagrams on scrap paper to get them to focus on finding a solution.
He’s not big on cellphones — “smart phones make for dumb brains” — and he’s always telling students it’s “your feet, your hands and your mouth — you are in charge of the things that can get you in trouble or take you places.”
Teens, he added, do need to be held accountable and he won’t let them walk all over him, “but I’ll bend over backwards to help” he adds.
During the more frustrating moments, Coughlin said he always reminds himself the kids are “children of God” which helps keep him focused.
“I like what I do, but it wears me out.”
The rewards, however, are many: One student he’s helped said even outside of school, Coughlin’s advice is always in her head, helping her make better decisions. “When I’m doing stuff, I think ‘Coughlin is going to go off the wall.’ ”
One framed photograph in his office is from a student he advised after she became pregnant in her senior year. She went on to graduate, have her baby and is now attending college.
“Anything you say, he always has advice, you walk out feeling the day is good now,” said one student. “He does not disappoint; he always knows what to do.”
Teaching veteran with almost three decades of experience in the field says he sets high standards for his students because kids will rise to meet them