You can’t wait forever for him to come around

Our connection was amazing from the start. Then he blew me off for a couple of weeks. When we reconnected, he admitted that he got cold feet.

He had ended a relationship seven months prior, recently moved, was undergoing business bankruptcy, spending long days at work and more time with his son. We both admit that neither of us can deny what we feel for each other.

He joked, “Well I can tryyyy to deny it.” However, the last time we were together, he said that he doesn’t know if he wants to fall in love again (he was hurt from his past relationship) and is not sure when he would be ready for a genuine relationship.

Yet he couldn’t look me in the eyes.

He also admitted that he has “some walls,” but he’s also acknowledged I’ve been slowly knocking down those walls.

He’s a little insecure about his financial situation, but this doesn’t bother me and I’ve told him so.

He has anxiety because of stresses he puts on himself and past hurt. I do whatever I can to make him feel safe with me, relaxed and non-pressured so that he opens up more and sees how wonderful it can be.

But I’m having a hard time, not seeing him often enough to keep him in this comfortable environment. I accept him for who and what he is, flaws and all. And that’s what his past relationships never allowed him to be — HIMSELF. What do I do to get through to him? Falling In Love

When you have to persuade a person to stay with you, the result is often still insecurity . . . on your part, more than his.

He’s set the boundaries — his business, his past hurt and his son. Your role, in this setup, is to keep reassuring him, coddling him, ignoring things that could affect you if you persuade him to stay together.

But what’s he doing for you besides your making a project of winning him over?

Use this time to look more closely and realistically at what you have besides an attraction (albeit one he’s far more able to delay and distance).

More time apart — suggested by you — is what might get through to him. In other words, you’re not prepared to wait forever, so he’s the one who might lose out.

I’ve previously dated a guy at school a few times and we’re friends with benefits. He does have a girlfriend but it’s complicated between them.

He’s confessed how he feels for me and I feel the same way. We’ve kissed a lot in the past month and I’m just wanting to know how I can tell if he actually loves me.

Or, is he just saying that he loves me? Confused FWB

Since he calls this other person his “girlfriend,” he loves her more. Period.

Here’s a lesson in dating-speak: “It’s complicated” is the way one person tells another that there’s someone in first place in their life and it’s not you.

And FWB also has other meaning beyond being a friend who’s available for sex, and kisses:

It says, you’re available when she’s not . . . but he’d rather be with her if possible.

He may “love” you when he’s with you, but only as backup when he’s missing her.

Time to value yourself more than this. Instead of just giving it away to hold onto someone else’s guy, have the confidence to want to be No. 1 with someone who’s free and wants you for yourself.

He may “love” you when he’s with you, but only as a backup when his girlfriend isn’t available. He’d rather be with her if possible. It’s time to value yourself as more than a friend with benefits