Arnold and Michelle
Arnold is a 37-year-old television producer who lives in Queen West. He says: “I’m a guy who cares about style, but isn’t obsessed with it. I like classic staples, nothing too trendy. Blues and greys and greens. Hipster-like, but no skinny jeans, tattoos, piercings or ironic facial hair.” Arnold is a handyman who loves to build furniture and is “great with my hands,” as well as a “budding oenophile; analog but not obnoxious about it, and not a Luddite.” He is also “into food, and tackling challenging recipes.” This past summer I decided to give Tinder another chance. I’ve had middling success with the app in the past but I was bored and quite frankly jonesing to meet someone new, fast.
I found Michelle on the app and hoped I’d get the chance to meet her. She’s a pretty brunette with some pleasing curves. We eventually started chatting, and it turned out she was in town for work and was only around for one more night. I suggested that we grab a drink, and she replied that she was going out with a friend but I was welcome to come out as well.
The idea of joining her and a friend conjured up a few different notions. It could have been a girl or a dude; it could mean that she wasn’t supercomfortable meeting a complete stranger in strange city.
I figured it was better to at least meet her. If there was chemistry, trust and attraction something might still happen. I was game for whatever.
We set a plan to meet around nine at a bar downtown. I messaged her at eight to make sure we’re still good and she told me they were in a totally different neighbourhood. I said I was game to meet there and waited 30 minutes for a reply.
She asked me where I wanted to go. I suggested two places. She wanted Yelp-like descriptions of each spot. I gave her those and suggested a few more options, and she suggested a few more. At this point I just started walking in her direction. There was more back and forth until she discov- ered that the bar she decided on is closed and she wanted to try another one nearby.
I told her I’d meet her there. Twenty minutes later, I show up and guess what? She ain’t there.
I decided to have a seat and enjoy a big old pint. I texted her that I was at the bar. I wanted to salvage my night and I deserved a drink. She texted back asking if we could sit outside. I told her there was no patio and she suggested another bar that had one. At this point, I told her to text me if she actually got a table. I wasn’t going to get off my ass until then.
She messaged saying “Mike and I are on the patio.” I found it funny that she finally chose to mention that the friend was a guy at this very late stage. When I got there, I said hello and was pleasant and smiling, and told her it felt like she didn’t want me to find her. When I introduced myself to the guy, he essentially turned away from me, totally shunning me, like it wasn’t already weird.
I considered her perspective: strange city, wants to have fun, nothing’s open and she wants to enjoy a drink at a cool place. I figured that the friend could have been from out town, because why else wouldn’t they have found a place to go? Turns out that he actually lived down the street. I realized that he seemed to have had a role in this wild goose chase.
I talked to Mike to be polite and it turned out we actually had a lot in common. He started to warm up a bit, at least making conversation. All the while, both of them were on their phones. That’s obviously super rude, but I attempted to just keep talking politely.
I realized that Michelle was not the kind of girl I’d want to date.
I still found her attractive but she seemed to me like a whiny, narcissistic person.
However, it became super clear to me that Mike really, really liked her. It turned out that she was staying with him while she was in town. So, I was essentially on a date with this girl, in front of this guy. At one point I even said something about how I felt like I was cuckolding him. I made almost no attempt to woo her.
We lingered for another little while after settling up, and I realized that I kind of had an amusing or at least memorable night. I told Michelle in a message the next day that the date was obviously super awkward, considering Mike’s interest. She told me that it wasn’t like that and that he had zero interest in her. I haven’t talked to her since.
Arnold rates his date (out of 10): 2 The Dating Diaries are readers’ accounts of their best, worst and weirdest dates as-told-to the Star. Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com