MALE CAREGIVING MORE COMMON THAN YOU THINK
The number of men providing care is on a dramatic upswing
Twenty years ago, Mark Tearle made a deathbed promise to his father, who was suffering from prostate cancer. “I told him I would look after mother until her dying day, and I could see that was a great weight off his mind.”
Tearle, a 57-year-old freelance photographer, is a caregiver to his 92-year-old mother, Doris, who has rheumatoid arthritis and is mostly confined to a wheelchair. Although Tearle is in a long-term relationship and sometimes stays with his partner on weekends when he hires private care for his mother, he lives with his mother the rest of the time so that she can stay in the home she’s lived in for 63 years in Don Mills, Ontario. Moving her into a seniors’ home is out of the question, he says. “I don’t think she could bear to live elsewhere. She’s a lovely lady but she’s not terribly social.”
Although the stereotype of the traditional caregiver is a dutiful middle-aged daughter, Tearle is one of the 46 per cent of caregivers who are men — a number that has more than doubled since 1996, when only 19 per cent of caregivers were male.
Male caregivers face unique challenges — they are often less likely to seek assistance when they are struggling in their caregiving role, may wait longer before asking for help, and often feel they should “be strong and soldier through” if they are having a difficult time, says Glen Chenard, advanced practice consultant at Saint Elizabeth, a national health-care provider specializing in home care.
“Men are often less likely to talk about the emotional strain and stresses they are having around caregiving, and they may be especially reluctant to discuss this in the workplace,” he says. “For example, it may be difficult for them to have a discussion with their employer if they need to take time off to care for a loved one because they may worry that taking time off, even if it’s temporary, will be viewed as lagging at work.”
He encourages male caregivers to speak openly about their experiences. “Talk with your boss. He or she may be a caregiver, too. And there’s a good chance your workplace has policies that can support your caregiving needs,” says Chenard, who notes that Elizz, a newly launched brand from Saint Elizabeth, is offering a Caregiver in the Workplace program to assist both employees and employers with caregiving resources on the job. “One in four people are caregivers — if you look around the boardroom table, you’re likely to find others who are in the same boat as you.”
Several of the new services offered by Elizz may be of benefit to male caregivers, notes Chenard. Studies show male caregivers are more likely to use the Internet as a caregiving resource. Elizz’s social network forum, called Tyze, can be a benefit to task-oriented caregivers who want to bring together family members, friends and neighbours who are involved in caring for someone. Participants can keep all information related to the individual’s care needs — such as medication lists and appointments — all in one place.
Elizz is also offering one-onone caregiver coaching with professionals who can answer questions and help build a plan to address each unique caregiving situation.
Chenard notes that while there are many positive aspects to being a caregiver, there is also a lot of stress and anxiety that often goes unspoken, particularly by men. “That caregiver distress can result in people suffering in silence,” he says. “We want these caregivers to know that Elizz is here help and they are not alone.”