Speak up to ban fattening desserts in your home

I love the holidays and getting together with family and friends.

Some people love the holidays because of the foods that we associate with certain times of the year.

For me, I feel sick to my stomach when I think about holiday feasts. I’m an overweight woman who has a very difficult time controlling my eating when tempted by large quantities of food and decadent desserts. Everyone in my family knows that I attend a weekly weightloss support group, yet they continue to bring foods that I’m boycotting into my home during the holiday season.

After celebrating Thanksgiving in Canada, I’d gained 4.3 pounds in a week.

I failed to exercise control and now I’m beating myself up over it. How can I tell people who are being kind that they’re sabotaging my weight loss and I’d prefer if they didn’t bring anything?

Is it reasonable for me to say I’d rather have a floral centrepiece for the table than a double chocolate cheesecake? How can I protect myself from these enablers? Dreading Desserts Speak up and they’ll back off. Of course, say you appreciate their kindness and would love them to bring flowers, fruit, salads (without creamy dressings) and decor items if they wish.

But all rich and fattening desserts are banned.

So, too, rich sauces and calorieladen side dishes.

Say that you’ve been given healthbased orders (not a lie, though they’re from your support group, not a doctor) to avoid certain banned food items.

If anyone still shows up with “contraband,” say thanks and put it in the fridge out of sight (still in a box if possible) and hand it back when they leave, with thanks. I’ve been dating this woman for a few months and really like her a lot.

I even think this could be serious.

But I made a terrible mistake when I commented how I liked her figure because there was “plenty to hold onto.”

I meant this as a compliment, like that I think she’s hot and always want to hold onto her and hug her.

I didn’t know that she was bulimic in her teens, which she hurled at me before rushing away in tears.

I thought I could explain my feelings, but she’s gone cold on me, and won’t take my calls even though I explained that I don’t at all think she’s fat.

I’ve apologized by text and phone message.

I said that she’s perfect for me. But I’ve heard nothing back.

Is there no way that I can fix this? Foot in Mouth

Read above. Weight and body image can be hugely sensitive topics, especially for those who had serious issues with weight or their perception of their body image in their teens.

However, you didn’t know what a hot-button issue this was for her, as she hadn’t told you.

(But it’s commonly known that most people are at least somewhat sensitive about weight and you could’ve worded your intended flattery more diplomatically.)

Send her roses (most women will at least open the door to accept flowers).

More important, include a handwritten note that says that had you known what events from her past had hurt her so deeply, you’d have been sensitive and respectful about them.

Add that you want to see her and apologize in person. It may work. Or not, for a while. She may need time to accept your apology.

Or this happened too early in your dating for her to be open about her previous weight issues and her persistent discomfort.

Weight and body image can be hugely sensitive topics, especially for people who had serious issues with those things in their teens

Tip of the day Respect that weight is a very personal and sensitive topic for many. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays, at thestar.com/elliechat. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.