STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: CAREGIVERS WITH KIDS
The so-called “sandwich generation” faces a special set of challenges
Three years ago, Shauna Press had reached her limit. The 52-year-old single mother from Niagara-on-the-Lake was spending her days working full time as a special-education teacher and her nights at the home of her aging parents, helping to care for her 79-year-old mother, who was suffering from advanced Alzheimer’s. On top of this, Press was trying to carve out time for her teenage daughter, MacLean.
“It was exhausting,” she recalls. “My mom started to have a lot of aggression and would lash out and throw things. I’d stay up all night with my mom, and then go to work in the morning.” This went on for months, says Press, who prepared her mother’s meals, showered her and monitored her medications. Finally, Press couldn’t take it anymore. “I called the caseworker from the Alzheimer’s Society and said we weren’t going to survive through the weekend. It was a nightmare.”
The experience was hard on her young daughter, too. “My parents’ house was practically in lockdown mode and my daughter had a hard time with it. She would cry and say, ‘Mom, I don’t like to see Nana like this.’ They had been so close — it was heartbreaking.” Pulled in different directions, Press struggled to find one-on-one time with her daughter. “My mom needed me, my dad needed me, and my daughter needed me.”
It was a huge relief when, after being admitted to hospital, Press’s mother was transferred to a longterm care facility and life regained some normalcy. Press visits her mother on Sundays, often feeding her lunch. And her daughter is thriving, getting top marks in school and staying active in sports. Press has even found the time to offer respite care for special-needs children on occasional weekends. “Things are so much better now,” she says.
Press is among the 30 per cent of caregivers who have kids under 18. Known as the sandwich generation, they are at a stage of life that comes with all the attendant responsibilities of raising children — providing meals, homework help, support for extracurricular activities — and the needs of their aging parents, who may require everything from emotional support to personal care. On top of this, many caregivers hold down jobs. No wonder their stress levels are skyrocketing.
“They are definitely stretched, and they are tired,” says nurse Dania Millington, a caregiver coach at Elizz. “Often they can’t sleep, they’re depressed and they’re not eating properly or exercising. They’re not taking care of themselves because they are taking care of everyone else.”
As a caregiver coach, Millington assists individuals, such as Press, who are looking for support to better care for their family members, and at the same time, reduce their own stress load. This help can take the form of in-home health services, respite care and local community resources. Millington can also point them to specialized services created just for caregivers, ranging from nurse advisors and virtual visits to peer-to-peer group support.
Fees for a caregiver-coaching session are $38, including a 30-minute phone call and 15-minute follow-up. “This really is a great time-saving service that saves the caregiver from having to do all the research,” says Millington. “I email the caregiver an action plan which we review together and then close the loop with a follow-up call. The goal is for them to build their knowledge and confidence as a caregiver, and feel good about themselves and the decisions they’ve made.”
For her part, Press says she’s glad to hear such a service is being introduced. “It’s so needed because there are so many of us in this sandwich generation who require support. I had to dig it all out myself, and it was challenging. It’s good to hear this is happening.”