HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
Knowing when to seek help can prevent caregiver burnout
Caregiving can sometimes seem like a full-time job — one that comes with no orientation or training. “All it takes is a family member to have a fall or be diagnosed with a serious illness and suddenly you are placed in this new position,” says Karen Seebach, a nurse advisor at Elizz, a newly launched brand for family caregivers.
The stresses of caregiving can feel overwhelming — from the emotional upset of worrying about your aging parent’s health, to finding the time to help them with medical appointments and household chores, to dealing with the sibling conflict that often arises when there’s a family crisis. For many caregivers, it may feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. Free time can seem like an unaffordable luxury.
But that’s misguided thinking, says Seebach. Caregivers, she explains, have to also care for themselves if they want to avoid burnout, a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that can occur when caregivers don’t get the help they need or try to do too much. Burnout can result in fatigue, stress, anxiety and depression.
“The single most important thing caregivers can do,” says Seebach, is “reach out for help if they need it.”
Darlene Elliott, a 57-year-old grade- school teacher in Whitby, Ontario, knew she had to find a way to deal with the stress of caregiving. Her 80-year-old mother was diagnosed with cancer three years ago and is undergoing chemotherapy, and worry often keeps Elliott up at night.
“My brain just won’t shut off and I miss out on hours of sleep,” she says. Today she sleeps better after starting a regular half-hour routine of walking in her neighbourhood after dinner. “It helps to calm me down,” she says. Talking to friends helps, too. “I have a good friend whose mother has Alzheimer’s. We compare notes and give each other emotional support.”
Sharing your caregiving challenges can bring a lot of relief, says Seebach. “Caregiving can be very rewarding, but there are times when you’ll feel overwhelmed, angry or sad.” Letting those feelings out and verbalizing them — whether it be to a friend, your partner, a pastor or a caregiver service like Elizz — can make a real difference to your well-being.
“Every time we talk to a caregiver, we start the conversation by asking them ‘How are you feeling today?’” says Seebach. “Whatever the answer is, we’re here to provide support, encouragement and validation.” Caregiving is associated with a range of emotions, and ups and downs are normal. You may be feeling awesome one day and stressed the next. Some days you may need help, while others you could use a friend.
There are a number of ways caregivers can find support through Elizz, including online counselling, caregiver coaches, nurse advisors, peer-to-peer group support, and in-home health care services.
Finding others to help share in the caregiving can also lessen the burden. That’s what Elliott did when she brought her mother to the family cottage this past summer for a week’s vacation. Elliott was anxious about the holiday because her mother required post-surgical personal care that Elliott wasn’t trained to provide. An Elizz caregiver coach helped her access care for her mother while they were at the cottage.
“Knowing that someone was there to help made us all feel more relaxed — it gave us peace of mind and my mother felt rejuvenated,” says Elliott. “And I felt a weight off my shoulders.”