Be honest or you will simply drive him away

I think that I’m bisexual and love my best friend. I don’t know his feelings for me.

Recently, at his place, we were drunk and almost had sex. Later, I told him everything but he said it’s normal as we were drunk. Then, when he was at my place, we were lying in bed, he suggested we both masturbate, I disagreed, so he satisfied himself.

Is he using me or actually has feelings for me? Is he treating me like a friend-with-benefits? We talk on the phone regularly and before going to bed, and chat on Facebook all the time.

He calls me and we argue like couples do.

I can’t directly ask him. I cry daily knowing that I can’t have him because gay people aren’t respected in my society.

So I have to hide my feelings for him all the time. Emotionally Drained

You don’t mention the opposite sex, and spend all your time with this guy, so it seems you’re using the bisexual label to avoid facing another reality. If you’re gay, you’re gay. You won’t be able to hide this all your life, unless you’re in serious danger . . . if so, try to relocate to an accepting society.

Meanwhile, you are drifting into a friends-with-benefits relationship, but wanting more.

Talk to him. Disclose what you feel, ask what he feels. Being open is the only way to move forward.

Otherwise, you’re going to drive him away by being miserable, jealous, and contradictory — wanting to be close but not honest. I’m a girl, 15, the youngest of my family. My boyfriend of six months is 16.

His parents know that we’re dating, which is fine. But I’m scared to tell my parents. My mom always said to not get a boyfriend till after college, but that’s ridiculous. I’m a high-school sophomore and think it’s completely normal to be experiencing boys right now.

I need to tell both my parents soon, but I expect my mom to scream and take away almost all my freedom. I’m scared to tell my dad because we don’t have that type of relationship.

I feel awkward because they’re going to think first about me getting pregnant, but I feel that no one should be in charge of my happiness except me. Besides, my parents go to partner counselling.

They need to accept that I’m growing up; this is a part of life and they can’t get mad at me for it. It’s My Life

For your parents to accept that you’re growing up, you have to show that you’re maturing and taking responsibility for your behaviour.

It’s a lot harder to get across when you’ve been sneaking around for six months.

You raise “getting pregnant,” which indicates that you’re having sex. To be “in charge” of your own happiness means taking steps to have safe sex to avoid STDs as well as pregnancy. Have you done this?

Your parents go to counselling because they wisely recognize when they need some guidance.

Learn to also know when to discuss things with people who have far more experience than you.

Show that you’re grown up enough to face them. Tell them why you like this boy.

If they react negatively at first, say that you understand, because you didn’t trust them or tell them the truth. Apologize for that.

Then ask them to let your boyfriend come and meet them so that your relationship can be open.

If they see you both behaving respectfully, they’ll soften their position in time. Tip of the day Accept your true sexual identification and be honest with a desired partner. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.