Snow White spinoff is Frozen without the fun
The Huntsman: Winter’s War
(out of 4) Starring Emily Blunt, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Jessica Chastain, Rob Brydon and Nick Frost. Directed by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan. At GTA theatres. 114 minutes. PG
The producers who brought you Maleficent desperately wish they could have done so again. Instead of another good Sleeping Beauty spinoff, they’ve settled for a bad Snow White one.
The Huntsman: Winter’s War is the regrettable outcome. More a collection of gaudily violent set pieces than an actual movie, directed by excitable effects man Cedric Nicolas-Troyan, it serves as both a talent-squandering prequel and sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman, while doing nothing more than name-check Snow White.
Yes, Kristen Stewart’s central character isn’t in the movie, arguably the smartest thing she’s done in her career.
It’s not so great for the film, mind you, which is a bit like buying a ticket to a Taylor Swift concert and finding Taylor’s off on vacation, leaving her backing band to serenade the audience.
There is plenty of snow, courtesy of Emily Blunt’s ice queen Freya, who responds to shocking betrayal by turning people into vanilla Popsicles, and decorating her northern lair with giant ice crystals.
She has also outlawed happiness and love, leaving a sense of desolation that will be familiar to anyone who is forced to sit through this mess, which has been filmed in the dismal gray-green colours beloved by CGI boffins. It’s Frozen without the fun.
Freya has been egged-on into icy disdain by her nastier sister Ravenna (Charlize Theron), who spews out a dark lethal substance resembling chocolate sauce. (These two together should be called the Dairy Queens; I kept thinking of sundaes all through the movie.)
Ravenna’s rage is due to the Magic Mirror, a device shaped like a giant golden serving dish that is even less subtle than Botox. If the darned thing would only learn to lie to the “Who’s the fairest of them all?” question, a whole lot of blood, chocolate sauce and snow would cease to flow and fall.
Which brings us to Eric the Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth), a grinning dullard with an axe who falls for feisty warrior Sara (Jessica Chastain), defying Freya’s anti-love edict. These two bond over their Scottish accents, which are atrocious.
Agroup of dwarves — played by Rob Brydon, Nick Frost, Alexandra Roach and Sheridan Smith — enter the film and try to liven up the proceedings. They’re good for a few laughs, but they’re three dwarves short of a Snow White party, and that’s the least of this picture’s problems.