Beyoncé hubbub shows cheating double standard still common
From Lewinsky to ‘Becky with the good hair’ the other woman always bears brunt of the blame
When Beyoncé released Lemonade last month, many of her fans went berserk.
Sure, some of that was for the music. But a big chunk was vitriol spewed at the best-guessed “other women” of Beyoncé’s husband, Jay Z. His rumoured infidelity made headlines after that infamous elevator dust-up with his sister-in-law Solange Knowles in 2014 and now, again, thanks to lyrics on Beyoncé’s latest album hinting at marital betrayal.
Jay Z certainly felt the heat online, but not nearly to the same degree as fashion designer Rachel Roy and British singer Rita Ora, whose social media accounts were inundated with finger-pointing — and experts say it’s a classic example of “other women” bearing the brunt of online attacks.
There’s a double standard, says Leora Tanenbaum, New York City-based author of I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet.
“Boys will be boys and girls will be sluts: It’s the same story we hear again and again and again,” she says.
“Why is it that Jay Z is more or less let off the hook here, but Rachel Roy — or whomever — is targeted, shamed, judged and policed?”
Sound familiar?
Back in 1998, Monica Lewinsky became the poster child for modern witch-hunts after her affair with then-president Bill Clinton. She was called a stalker, a bimbo, a seductress — as once noted by Barbara Walters — and became a late-night TV punch line. She was once asked how it feels to be “America’s premier blow-job queen.” Her career suffered and her love life, too. She contemplated suicide.
Clinton was impeached (and later acquitted) of course, and endured his fair share of lampooning in the media, but not to the degree of a woman nearly three decades his junior. “I do think that there’s a fair discussion to have, about why is Monica Lewinsky treated so badly and president Clinton is one of the most admired people in the world,” former Clinton official and Fox News contributor Kirsten Powers said in 2014.
Writing about the experience in Vanity Fair that same year to end her decade of silence, Lewinsky — who was in her early 20s and a White House intern when the Clinton scandal broke — noted how, “with every marital indiscretion that finds its way into the public sphere — many of which involve male politicians — it always seems like the woman conveniently takes the fall.”
Fan reaction after Lemonade’s release took a similar course, with Roy bearing the early brunt of online harassment amid speculation she’d had an affair with Jay Z. With bee and lemon emojis as ammunition, fans also swarmed — mistakenly — television chef Rachael Ray, who is best known for her 30-minute meals, not gallivanting with famous rappers.
Ora was also verbally attacked after sporting the same Gucci dress Beyoncé wore in her “Formation” music video. Could she be the infamous other woman?
Since then, both Roy and Ora have denied the online accusations.
“(O) nline haters have targeted me and my daughters in a hurtful and scary manner, including physical threats. As a mother — and I know many mothers would agree — I feel that bullying in any form is harmful and unacceptable,” Roy wrote in a statement.
That sort of bullying, as Roy puts it, keeps happening. Think royalty: Camilla Parker-Bowles, the Duchess of Cornwall, garnered far more scorn than her longtime lover, Prince Charles. And celebrities: Some media outlets have talked about how Angelina Jolie “poached” Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston, as if he had no say in the matter, while another called Jolie’s human rights work a way to make “the other woman” not look like a “big ol’ skank.” Coverage of Pitt, in contrast, often talks about how he fell in love with Jolie on-set.
Even from an academic perspective, “other women” are considered losers — literally. A recent study from Binghamton University looking at more than 5,700 people in 96 countries found women who lose an unfaithful mate to another woman “win” in the long run because they develop higher mating intelligence.
“The ‘other woman,’ conversely, is now in a relationship with a partner who has a demonstrated history of deception and, likely, infidelity,” says Craig Morris, the study’s lead author. In other words: In the long-term, she “loses.”
Toronto-based feminist and cultural critic Candace Shaw says there’s a long tradition of slut-shaming women while making heroes out of men because of their conquests. “
You look at a guy like Bill Clinton, a guy like Jay Z — nobody’s yelling at them because, in a subconscious way, it’s considered something men do because they can’t help it.”
In a recent Lemonade- inspired piece on why we’re so quick to blame the “other woman,” Los Angelesbased psychologist Brandy Engler says much of the social media reaction is about projection. If we can villainize one woman — as opposed to blaming men — then we still have reason to hope; a “collective discharge of angst about our feelings of betrayal,” Engler says. Women, she adds, have historically been a target for social anxieties; think witch burning, stoning and the like.
And it’s often women attacking other women, particularly in the case of the Beyhive. Fans admire and identify with Beyoncé, holding her on a pedestal as the perfect woman, says feminism expert and University of Waterloo professor Aimée Morrison.
“There’s this visceral reaction: if Beyoncé’s husband cheats on her, what’s going to happen in my life?”
Women need to react differently in these situations, says Shaw. “We still need to work on supporting each other and working together and not tearing each other down.”
After Beyoncé’s album drop, Lewinsky cheekily tweeted: “hey, will someone let me know if it’s safe for me to listen to #LEMONADE?”
Yes, it’s safe to listen to Lemonade, Monica. But to be the rumoured “other woman?” — not so much.