Don’t walk around naked if your kids are uncomfortable
My brother and sister-in-law have a son, 8, and daughter, 6. Our kids are about the same age, and sometimes sleep over with their cousins.
The kids enjoy going over, but lately they’ve been reporting that “Uncle Bob and Aunt Judy sometimes walk around with no clothes on.”
Our kids are both fascinated and increasingly uncomfortable. We are not a clothing-optional household!
At what age should kids stop seeing their parents naked? And how do I handle this with my brother and our kids?
There’s no absolute rule about the age at which kids should no longer see their parents undressed. Many factors, including cultural and religious traditions, personal lifestyle and the adequacy of a central heating system, determine when the time has come for mom and dad to cover up.
Many young couples are quite casual about clothing and the lack thereof around the home. And why not? They’re young, in love and have strong cardiovascular systems, so by all means let it all hang out while you can. When baby number one comes along, those casual ways often continue for a while. There are few things lovelier than a skin-to-skin cuddle with a tiny infant.
But as the years go by, most parents discern that, for everyone’s sake, the time for lying around in the garb God gave you has come to an end — at least until the kids move out.
One sure clue this time has arrived is that the kids start to show discomfort with their own nudity. When children begin to lock the door at bath time or emerge from the tub wrapped in swaddling clothes, it’s a sign they’re no longer OK being naked around their parents.
An obvious corollary is that they no longer want to see mom and dad au naturel either.
This is one of those areas in family life where the will of the minority may overrule the wish of the ma- jority. The right to privacy, even in one’s own home, trumps the desire of other members to express their non-sartorial splendour. The principle is simple: if a kid, or any family member, is uncomfortable with others being naked, then everyone covers up. That’s called “respect.”
One other thing probably doesn’t need saying, but I’ll say it anyway. Seeing is not the same as touching.
In a home where covering up is the norm, discovering your partner reposing naked on the bearskin may imply a certain level of consent.
But in households where members trot about in bare skin, nakedness does not constitute permission for touching, especially when it relates to children.
While there is no absolute rule about kids seeing their parents naked, there is a rule about intimate contact. Simple: unless a child is disabled or ill, once kids learn to wash and dry their own private parts, parents should keep their hands off, always.
And kids don’t play with their parent’s junk, ever.
Speak to your brother privately. Explain your kids’ discomfort, being clear that you’re not judging his lifestyle, simply saying things his niece and nephew can’t say for themselves. There’s a good chance he’ll respect that, when your kids are over at least.
If he doesn’t, no more sleepovers except at your house. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca